November 1, 2005

 

Some people just know the way to push a person’s buttons.  A simple statement can turn you into a tailspin without them even trying.  Today I was told I need to move out of my parents’ house in order to “grow up”.  Apparently this individual is under the belief you are not a grown up unless you live on your own.  For reasons, which I probably know and will get to this really, bothered me.  I have always considered myself a very mature and grown up person.  I have worked since I was old enough to hold a job.  Granted I am a spoiled little Daddy’s girl, no doubt and I love it and freely admit it, but as soon as I was able to help support me, I did.  I worked for everything I have and have always been rewarded for working.  Now at 30, living at home I am still spoiled but now I get to spoil my parents right back.  We are a close-knit unit and we always think of one another first and foremost.  They are the two most important people in my life and I see no reason to leave my little nest.  We all have our own space and own lives and honestly I think they still like having me there.  If they don’t – well they haven’t told me yet!

 

I live in NY, which everyone knows is extremely expensive.  I cannot justify stepping out there on my own to rent a too small apartment that costs way too much when the reality is, I don’t have to.  I don’t see why I have to struggle in ordered to be portrayed as a grown up.  There are enough things in life that are and will be a struggle why should I take on more than I need to?

 

I’ve never been one to move in with the first boyfriend I had, mostly because I still hold onto some old fashioned values and believe I will only move once.  I don’t want to do as some of my friends have and bounce from place to place with one new man (or friend) after another just because I have nowhere else to go.

 

When I do get my own place I want to be able to buy something that will be a future investment and not just shell out money month to month for something that will never be mine.  It is a waste of money and I know this because I am the Queen of wasting money. 

 

Yeah I still have to learn some serious financial and budgeting skills and yes I do still have some growing up to do because I believe it takes your whole life to grow and learn and is just an ongoing process, but I don’t need an insignificant person in my life passing judgments on me.

 

I suppose what really sparked it is lately I keep meeting people who question me about the way I live my life and the decisions I make.  In some ways the last 30 years have been hard and long and in others the years have passed too quickly.  I often find myself fluctuating between a great desire to move forward and be a wife and mother and at the same time wishing I could still be 18.

 

I have made some really bad choices, some really good choices and some just in between.  Each choice defines me and I can only hope that I learn from each choice whether they are good or bad.  Still, I am finding myself struggling to find exactly what my place is in this world.  What will I contribute? 

 

One of the worst decisions I ever made was not going to college and this is something I know I need to rectify.