Soap Bubbles, by JenJen!

“Does GH Make You Horny, Baby?”

First thing’s first, before you continue reading, you must certify that you are 18 or older because this is about sex, is a little graphic (i.e., dirty) and if you lie about your age and read this anyway, your eyeballs will probably rot, liquefy and run down the sides of your face.

Okay. This is my “Operation: Mind Fuck” theory.

It all started when, at the EOS Ranch Board, a couple of people posted that they had recently had some, uh, very vivid dreams about some of “General Hospital’s” hunks. I believe the subject of one dream was Jax and the subject of the other dream was Jason Morgan. I don’t remember all of the details given in these posts, but I do remember the phrase “hot monkey love” being used as well as Jax’s thighs being described as “rock solid” and “like tree trunks.”

I, myself, have recently had a very “vivid” dream about Sonny. One thing I have in common with the two EOS posters in regards to all of this, besides having had a dream, is that I don’t usually dream about sex and they say they don’t either. My dreams usually focus more on romance, not “hot monkey love.” Maybe there’s a little foreplay, but no actual sex.

So what’s the deal? Why the sudden sex dreams? “X-Files” is no longer in production, so I am very ready for a conspiracy theory or devious plot to entertain me, thus, “Operation: Mind Fuck.”

I think Bob Guza is trying to “Mind Fuck” us. Let’s face it; while there are days when a scene is written and acted well, overall, GH is sucking big, fat, rotten eggs with no end in sight. This is, of course, just my opinion and my opinion means no more or less than anyone else’s opinion. (But if you want to tell me my opinion means more than yours, then I won’t be so rude as to argue with you or anything. I’m really nice that way.)

I have noticed, from visiting various boards, that longtime viewers seem to see the “suckage” a little more than others. One thing seems to be certain; most of us are hanging in there. We have to because we love this show. Most of the people I know who have stopped watching the show because they are so bored or disgusted by it haven’t gone far. They are still reading the spoilers and visiting the boards and are ready to dive back in when things improve. Why? Well, because they love the show, too. They are just tired of being Mind Fucked.

I’m not sure when this rampant Mind Fucking began. Was it when Jill Farren Phelps was hired as GH’s producer? Was it when Bob Guza came onboard as headwriter? I think it was that second one: when Bob Guza came onboard. Or should I say, when Bob Guza “came on The Bored?” “The Bored,” of course being us viewers.

Yep. I’m sure it is Guza who’s behind all the Mind Fucking. Yesiree, he’s Mind Fucking us from behind. I was just sitting around one day, watching my soap and the next thing I knew, I woke up next to GH and found out I’d been Mind Fucked without knowing it.

You see, you might think you are sitting down, as usual, to watch your daily, Disney-owned dose of GH, but you’re really settling down to watch “Porn In the Afternoon.”

But I’m onto you now, Bob, you little Mind Fucker, you.

Here’s how “Operation: Mind Fuck” is being executed: with subliminal sex messages. I am totally serious. Guza and Co. are trying to distract us from crappy stories by making us think, and in some cases dream, about sex. He is also using the subliminal sex device to try to enhance those very same crappy stories for our viewing pleasure.

His first step was to get our minds on sex, so that the ensuing subliminal sex messages would be all the more powerful. He had to get us “in the mood.” To get us ready, he had to have a “Fluffer.”

A Fluffer is someone who works getting porn actors “ready” to perform in a scene. If a man needs an erection, a Fluffer may do some “handy” work to get him going and keep him up between takes. Female performers may also need to “get fluffed.” Especially if it’s hardcore porn and there are going to be, um, close-ups.

Of course, this is network daytime, so there is only so much Bob Guza can do in the way of “fluffing” us for the Mind Fucking to come. He had to approach this in a way that would make fans very emotional, yet still stay true to his whole “Men-Perfect/Women-Stupid” approach to things. This is where Faith steps in.

Faith is a Fluffer.

Her antics are outlandish and bigger than life, so you might not notice all the real porn going on around her. She is the distraction that catches your eye while the magician (Guza) performs the real trickery. She has either delighted fans with her sexual exploits or pissed them off royally by being a mockery to women. Either way, Guza has the effect he wants, which is to get everyone whipped into a frenzy over sex. This readies everyone for the subliminal sex he’s penetrating the dialogue and action with.

For the male viewers, there is nymphomaniac Faith and then Liz/Courtney, Liz/Carly and Alexis/Carly hissing at each other at every turn, with the occasional slap. These catfight scenes are really a subliminal turn-on for men, because they are the daytime equivalent of the “Lesbian Love Scene” required in every porn movie. This kind of scene has never appealed to me, as I am not a lesbian, but it’s my understanding that men like this sort of thing.

On an episode of “Seinfeld” I saw this fascination with lesbians explained. It was the episode when Elaine and Raquel Welch get into a fight. Kramer explains the appeal of two women “cat fighting” each other. It seems if women are fighting, there exists, in the mind of men, the possibility that “they could, you know, kiss or something.” I think a similar explanation was given on “Friends.”

Oh. My. God.

I have always wondered why, if heterosexual men are turned on by lesbian love scenes, then why aren’t I, a heterosexual woman, turned on by gay men with each other. I guess it’s because I’ve never seen a scene like that (or paid attention if I did) and apparently I was making assumptions about what I would prefer.

Oh, God, how I made assumptions.

I really had a firm grip (Oooh, baby) on this whole “subliminal sex” theory shortly after the now infamous and unintentionally funny “Jason and Sonny Music Montage” that played out a week or so ago. There they both were, Sonny at the penthouse, Jason at the “love pit,” they had both just bedded their respective mates, only to start thinking about each other while sappy music played in the background. Of course, now I know, this was really about Sonny and Jason wanting to screw each other’s brains out.

It seems Guza is being ultra sneaky with his subliminal porn. He’s not trying to secretly stimulate his viewers with standard male/female relationships. Viewers would notice that, so it wouldn’t be a Mind Fuck. He’s trying to entice the men with lesbian love and entice the women with gay lust. Sneaky.

Now, that I know I’m being Mind Fucked with Guza’s subliminal sex messages, I can look back at some recent episodes and see, clear as crystal, the “Porn In The Afternoon.” Virtually everything Sonny says these days, is really about sex.

Let me be more specific: Virtually everything Sonny says or does to men is really about sex.

When Sonny started yelling at Jax in The Cellar on a recent episode, I couldn’t believe the things Sonny said. I was so enthralled by those two or three scenes, that I tuned in again that evening on SoapNet and took notes. I wish I had taped it. Here were some of the subliminal sex messages uttered by Sonny to Jax:

Sonny told Jax he is “hard on the outside, but soft in the middle.”

And he’s always “melting when things get hot.”

Jax is like “cheap candy.”

“What about I cut you open, see if you bleed sugar?”

“Open your mouth so I can stick the bottle down your throat.”

Now I’ll reveal the Porn Interpretation.

Sonny (to Jax): “Jax, you slut, you make me horny, let me get you hot. Who’s your Daddy? Suck my dick, Candy Boy.”

Damn.

I couldn’t believe it, either. I had just heard Sonny talking dirty to Jax! I don’t know if I’ve ever heard such erotically “forbidden” dialogue spoken on daytime before! And for the life of me, after hearing that, after picturing that, I didn’t know if the rest of the show made any damned sense or not and I didn’t really care. I had been Mind Fucked. Plus, I needed a cigarette.

Then, later on that same episode, or maybe it was the next one (I don’t know. I’m Mind Fucked.), Sonny says to Jason:

I’m gonna have it out with my best friend.”

“I wanted you!”

“Think you can take me down?”

Porn Interpretation?

Sonny (to Jason): “Hey, Jason. Wanna fuck?”

Shit, if I didn’t need another cigarette after that, too.

Now, I find myself strangely drawn to GH, like I’ve never been before. I know it’s because I’ve been hypnotized with erotic, subliminal images of seriously fine looking men, naked while they perspire and glisten in the sun of Port Charles. Then at night I close my eyes and there they are, ready to lick me from head to toe.

Now Tyler Christopher is coming back to reprise his role as Nikolas Cassadine. Yes, Tyler Christopher is coming (everyday on my T.V.) and I welcome him with open arms, an open heart and open legs. NuOldNik.

Maybe NuOldNik and OldNuNik can visit me some evening while I sleep. We can make a JenJen sandwich and I’ll care even less what the hell is going on with the stories at “General Hospital.”

Now that I’m in on Guza’s plot I have to wonder, is it really a bad thing to be Mind Fucked? I’m kind of enjoying it. Is this a satisfactory trade-off for me being bored with the rest of the show? I’m not sure. Why can’t I have both? Why can’t I get the subliminal porno AND good storylines? Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

I can only speak for myself. Some people are enjoying the current storylines immensely and are probably immune from being Mind Fucked. Those who have stopped watching may have been repelled by the whole experience. Then there are those like me; unhappy with the show, but still watching, feeling strangely entertained somehow.

For those of you still watching, listen closely to the dialogue of the men (all the men). You will see what I mean, especially if you close your eyes and picture the double entendres in living, breathing, naked color. Also, watch for other subliminal porn.

Watch for guns. These are phallic symbols and they are “thrust out” regularly on GH. When Sonny pulls a gun on someone, what he’s really saying to them, in macho, Tarzan-speak, is, “My cock big cock. You suck big cock!”

Then there are the handcuffs. When you see Mac or Taggert handcuff someone, that’s bondage at its daytime best. If you see someone actually tied up, then that’s like bondage with whips and chains.

When one guy threatens another guy it is to establish who the bitch is in the relationship. That was the real point of the “Sonny and Jason Switch Places” segment of the Fan February episode; to illustrate that Jason is Sonny’s bitch and he will always be Sonny’s bitch.

If you see one guy threaten another guy, tie him up AND pull a gun on him, well crap, that’s practically a whole porno movie!

Also, play close attention to the Jason/Ric scenes. They are starting to heat up. I suspect one of them will be waving their gun/cock at the other fairly soon.

So, that’s my “Operation: Mind Fuck” theory. I know that there are going to be some disbelievers, but all I can say is that now you have been warned. Just watch the show and look for the trickery I’ve reported here. It is not hard to find. I figure this Mind Fucking will go on for some time, at least as long as the writing sucks. There are probably a multitude of other hidden plots and conspiracies being forced on us by The Powers That Be to augment the lack of passion and suspense in the storylines. I’ll let you all know what they are if I can figure them out.

Speaking of storylines, when Sonny and Jason finally work things out, I don’t know if there will be as many subliminal porn scenes between the two of them. In their case, conflict truly does seem to evoke fiery passion, but the two of them “breaking up” is getting kind of old. Sonny needs to kick Jason’s butt just like he kicked Ned’s butt.

Why?

Well, if they fight, they could like, you know….kiss or something.

;-)

Safe Mind Fucking everyone.