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Hey all... a few thoughts from the Fashion
Police who are barely surviving the dog days of summer...My central
air-conditioning unit ceased all functionality a few days ago and it's
going to take until Monday to replace the thing. If you want a real
soapy sob-story, just ask me how much air conditioning units cost.
Speaking of breaking down... The surrogacy story transforming into this Nikolas/Courtney cheat like dogs story is a real clunker. First, Jax and Courtney haphazardly plan the surrogacy using a person whom they know but is not family or friend. Is in fact a former foe of Courtney's since all the Jason not actually really dating Elizabeth stuff went down. And so Court freaks out about it a bit (go figure) and Jax cuddles up to the surrogate in a weird sort of way instead of noticing his brand new wife's apprehension and possibly causing her to wear a Green Hornet costume while she travels. Just when you thought they'd lost all concept of Jax's character, he goes and reminds us that yes, he's indeed still rather self consumed and not really good at relationships, save the grand romantic overtures. But Courtney gets real carried away with the "I'm feeling weird about this surrogacy" and leaps right into kissing Nikolas (ex-husband Jason's sister's husband...) on the roof of the hospital. Or whatever they did. Cuz oh my goodness, it's not like I can actually pay attention to all of this shite. And OH, the coincidence of Nikolas and Courtney on the same plane to the same hotel on the same frickin' island. Gah! And yes, that falls into the "Well Dayna, soaps have always been ridiculous..." response category, but every damn thing on this show is *so* ridiculous and haphazard and slapped together like a 5-minutes before the school bell rings kind of peanut butter sandwich, it's just well, ridiculous. They (TPTB) get the teensiest glimmer of fire between two actors (Herbst and Rademacher, Willis and Tyler Christopher) and who knows if the real-life situation between Tyler Christopher and Natalia Livingston - they broke up - helped to forward the break-up of the beloved and much trumped NEM, but it's like "they" see some shiny object in the future and salivate after it like a pack of slobbering coyotes. There's no planning, no continuity, no writing involved. Ghastly. And here I am watching it again...
I went on vacation for two weeks with my
husband and three children in late July. We live in Maryland and drove
to Florida, so you can imagine. In case you can't, I'll add that my 3
year old twins were newly potty trained and my 6 year old son...well, he
just isn't the most patient or calm kind of child. He's emotionally
tumultuous like his mother. ;) So, it was a long drive. We broke it up
with a week at the beach in North Carolina where my husband's family
gathers for an annual golf/shop/lounge extravaganza. It was fun
overall...the beach was great and we visited a great friend in Florida
where there was more beach - woo hoo! And great food. I gained something
like seven pounds. A two week vacation is a lot of work though, and we
came home to our pool being all jacked up (my poor dad meant well) and I
had to fall right back into my normal routine of hosting three
additional children from 8am-3pm, M-F. I hadn't been watching GH for
most of the summer, but after returning from that mommy on vacation
marathon, I reclaimed the television for my own deviant purposes and it
was at the top of the list. Absence has something to do with making the
heart grow fonder and I was back into it again and trying to keep an
open mind but wow, it's really stankin'. Nothing new...
So Kari Wuhrer's Reese is Carly's oft spoken
about ol' BFF "Carly". Or Charlotte, rather. She was the richie who
trailer park Caroline wanted to be just like, ohmygawd, and when she
flew off a cliff or whatever, ourCarly just snapped up her name and went
on to seduce her mama's boyfriend and get pregnant and go nutty and all
that stuff that we know her so well for. Yeah, whatever. And she went on
a Fleetwood Mac bender. That was exactly what they had in mind for Reese
when she first came on. Believe that and I have a cooler full of ice to
sell you if you're an Eskimo. What kind of crappy afterthought is this
story? One that could have been pretty intriguing had it been at all
planned and not have been cliché overkill. Reese enters as the FBI agent
who helps to rescue a kidnapped Michael. She forms a bond with him once
he's found because of course, she had a son that same age who
disappeared and la la la...she's Florida firstCarly who didn't really
die, but sought revenge on ournotreallyCarly after 15 years and came to
town to seduce her mob boss hubby in the midst of a kidnapping that just
happened to come across her Fibby desk. Yeah. Loon Lake was better
executed. And if you know what I'm talking about, you just gotta ask
yourself why you haven't hit the channel up button on the remote.
I'm not really trying to make you change
channels. What else would I bitch about and who else would read it if it
weren't for the two of us watching this show?
It's a really good thing that Kelly Monaco
intrigues me. Sam has some pseudotwin or maybe it's really her twin or
maybe I don't care if Bob Guza's wife hatched a million and one
perfectly proportioned brunettes who can waltz. Anyhow, since we're on
the subject of clunker storylines. Ms. Monaco's Sam is yet another
ill-conceived character who began with full-page ads for her pairing
with Jax but has evolved to primo status as the lady who stole Jason's
heart. Or just kinda warmed it up some after that traumatic "Your Body
Is a Wonderland" shaving on the sink scene with Courtney *shivers*. He
luuuuuvs her and she loves him and she has to dance for the Guza woman
in order to get the pompous rich guy to waltz along (and rescue a
shackled..rowl..Jason) and the other over-enunciating Kelly Monaco to
flick her black wig around or something. And to soak up some of that
residual Dancing With the Stars audience who is still flicking through
Star magazine three weeks later to find out exactly who that Monaco
chick is and who's she's dating and if they are predicting the next Eva
Longoria. Basketball players beware.
Roofies and teenagers and Lucas might be gay, oh my! Hate the new cop guy that digs Maxie. Can't be bothered to remind myself of his name but I think he's the weirdo roofie stalker and if he's not...well, in real life, he would be! He just looks shady. Or kinda like Brian Presley from Port Charles. They should have just gone ahead and injected vampires into the teen-a-licious story if they wanted me to wake up and take notice.
Let's just hustle on back to the NEM story
for a moment. While we're sitting here enjoying our vodkatinis and all.
If Nikolas looked exactly like the guy who raped Emily and she can't get
over but she tried really hard while securing her doctorate or however
far in medical school you have to get to wear a white coat in a hospital
and start diagnosing people, and they really tried to make a go of
it...then why can't she be any more open minded to the idea that he
sought some comfort in Courtney's companionship? When she offered none
of her own? When she admitted that she'd been lacking in the wife
department but still marched out of the Bahamas hotel like the whole
hallway brawl was none of her business? Are we to believe that she's
just one to take the high road? Does anyone in Port Charles take the
high road anymore? After watching Carly and Reese break each other's
faces up, I had to reflect on my history of fist-fighting and honestly,
it's been since ninth grade since I ever even felt threatened by a
physical altercation. And that was in the locker room after Dance class
when another girl asked me to turn my radio down..blaring Bon Jovi (natch)
and this girl from the *other* middle school stepped in the middle of it
(sensing my girlish fright, no doubt) and said, "There's nothing wrong
with Bon Jovi. You wanna do something about it?" Does this sort of thing
happen amongst grown women? Men, I can buy...and I can see where Jax
wanted to plow Nikolas (hush!) but do any of the girls you know act that
way if they're over saaaay, 16? Crass, crass, crass. In a diner, no
less. It's no Krystle and Alexis showdown that's fer shure.
So to wrap it all up, I'm watching again and waiting for anything that seems like a story that anyone has actually given more than 2.8 seconds thought toward. It's been a couple of years since I discovered Eye On Soaps and around the time when I started reading Sage, Katrina, Sherry etc... the theory that TPTB were "throwing stuff against the wall to see what sticks" theory erupted. Nowadays, I'm not convinced that they aren't throwing it against the wall just to see what will finally get them cancelled. I'm determined that this show is worth more than the effort that's being made to write it now... there's a fat ton of history and stories waiting to unfold. Until we can sink our teeth into something meaningful (I hear Kim McCullough might be on her way back - eep!), let's just keep on waiting for Lorenzo to pair something other than a striped circus shirt with his pinstriped gangster suit. Carly did nothing to improve her shortlived husband's style. *le sigh*
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