For the Week Ending February 9th

There’s a cliché that says “the opposite of love is indifference, not hate”.  I’m inclined to believe that’s true with GH these days.  It’s not even fun to hate Carly anymore.  She’s not hatching any ludicrous plans or fighting with AJ.  She’s just annoying like a fly in the window.  I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t watch much of GH last week due to my already myopic view becoming more and more focused based upon the lopsided writing exhibited by GH these days.  My fastforward button has become a lean, mean uh….fastforwarding machine.  I’ve had to resort to getting my soap jollies from other shows that I have no emotional ties to.  For example, as completely predictable as Port Charles is, it is entertaining (it IS Lucy and Kevin after all) and the hijinks of Todd and Blair on OLTL just crack me up for the few minutes I see of that every week!  Does familiarity breed contempt? (That sounded very “Carrie Bradshaw”, no?)  In this particular case, I think so. 

In order to inspire myself to write about something other than Nexis, I had to invent a few games.  The first of which is: Ten Efficient Ways to Kill Chloe.

10)  The substantial air in her head becomes heated as she blows more sunshine up Ned’s ass causing her to float off into the horizon and burn up in the atmosphere.

9)  One word: Hannibal.

8)  Crushed by AJ’s crane.

7)  Parapet.  Ok, so it’s been done before, but all that means is that it is a tried and true method to rid Port Charles of an annoying blonde.

6)  Sharkbait!  Or, at least drowning in the nearest punchbowl.  Despite Jax’s best efforts he just didn’t have the extra umph required to pull it off, but still a good tactic.

5)  Massive papercuts from overwhelming viewer hatemail or random acts of terrorism by said fed-up viewers.

4)  Stiletto or roadkill.  If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again, Helena.

3)  Spontaneous combustion.  Hey, it could happen!

2)  Luke’s cooking.  Are we reallly sure he didn’t contribute to macaroni head guy dying in Kelly’s last year?

1)  Worldwide muppet uprising followed by rioting and lynching brought about by outrage over the systemic destruction of their race for purposes of filling out her wardrobe, culminating in…..Off with her head! 

Then I added a few new items to the now ‘net famous GH Drinking Game. 

1) Take a shot each time Zander’s eyes bug out when he’s being preachy and condescending to the Quartermaines about Emily. 

2) Take a shot each time Helena or Stefan appear on the docks and seem surprised to find the other one lurking about. 

3) Each time Emily states that she did everything the Qs asked her to do and/or she got straight As and/or she’s studying for the SATs – GULP baby gulp, you’re gonna need it.  

4) Each time Andreas appears it’s a drink everything in sight moment because it happens so infrequently. 

Now, on with the show.  Monday was bizarre, to say the least, until I read the credits and discovered that TCSL have yet to get rid of Mary Sue Price.  They have to know that any monkey with a sharpie could pen a script with more continuity and have a better feel for the characters.  I’ll only credit her for that throw-away line of Alexis mentioning that Ned had shaved and most of that credit is only because I’m still overjoyed at the Gillette moment myself. 

The Nexis breakup (again) was heart wrenching.  As in most relationships that end the fault cannot be completely placed at the feet of just one person.

In some respects Ned was absolutely correct that Alexis will never change (at least not without recognizing some harsh realities about herself) because she's had this commitment phobia for the last four years and we're to assume prior to that since she's never been married (or so we've been told).  On the other hand, she has changed from the high-powered corporate attorney with the "champagne and caviar" practice in NYC to the family gatekeeper in PC watching over the business of a tiny hospital in upstate New York and counsel for the Cassadine Estate (alternately counsel for ELQ) into nothing more than the mouthpiece for all of PC's most undesirable felons (who all happen to be guilty of various crimes).  All of which seem to be far more important to Alexis than her relationship with Ned or even her family.  I'm holding steadfast to the belief that Alexis is subconsciously pushing Ned away because of her deep seated fear of commitment and the possibility that Ned could leave her like everyone else has and he has the potential (because she loves him so much) to really break her heart.  I don't think anyone has disputed the validity of Alexis' fears. The problem is the fact that she allows her fears to control her life. Ned knows she's terrified but he wants her to move forward and work through the fears and explore a life with him.  

Alexis made some good points also.  She didn’t sign on to be a groupie, even though she IS the one who talked him into returning to the stage.  I don’t think she thought he would stick around even when he asked her if she wanted him to quit.  Ned has some issues of his own, which everyone seems quite content to forget.  The only condition Ned ever placed on his love for Alexis is that she return it in equal shares because he desperately needs to be loved.  A fact that he also needs to work out in some therapy sessions.  From Alexis’ point of view Ned does seem really needy these days, but I think it’s because he feels her pushing him away. 

Alexis keeps putting up walls between Ned and herself whether it is putting the needs of her clients first or failing to mention that she was moving or failing to mention the panic attacks about the wedding or 100 other things. At some point Ned had to snap and the non-wedding was that point until the shooting. Yes, he hurt Alexis with the “have a nice life” line (I even said ''ouch'' out loud) but she has hurt him too and he can only come back so many times willing to work it out without any effort on her part.  I’m proud of him for finally telling Alexis a few things that she needed to hear (even though I don't think she was really listening).  Was he a little too cruel?  Perhaps, but that is the real Ned, the one who lashes out when he’s hurt and angry.  I'm glad to get a glimpse of him!  

This fight is really not about careers at all; it's about love vs. fear.  He has never said it's either that client or me.  All he has asked for is a little consideration. He wants her to think of him, herself and their relationship and how representing street thugs will affect each of them. Alexis continues to use her career to put distance between Ned and herself, albeit subconsciously, but it doesn't hurt him any less because she doesn't realize that she's doing it.  I sincerely hope this leads both of them down a path of introspective soul searching and Ned comes out the strong corporate shark with a heart that he used to be and Alexis comes out as the Cassadine Corporate Counsel (& Trustee) who is willing to commit to Ned completely.

As it stands right now I don't think Alexis heard (really heard and let it sink in) anything Ned said today and I don't believe Ned fully realizes how hurt he is over the non-wedding, although he is further down the path than Alexis is.  

MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS 
AND SHALLOW OBSERVATIONS 

There is absolutely NO WAY Zander would be out on bail AGAIN.  Sonny would be out his $2 million and Zander be up the proverbial shiznit creek without a paddle.  The “extenuating circumstance” rule does not apply to my kidnap victim is in California and I need to see her. 

The first major JFPhuck up was this deal with Jensen Buchanan (Melissa) and I’ve been laughing hysterically since I heard the news. 

Is Chloe really that naïve or just that dense?  She thinks that love is all you need?  Please give me a break.  Remove her to Milan for the spring shows or something! 

I’m severely aggravated about Wednesday’s episode because S&C spent an endless amount of time discussing ANOTHER friggin’ wedding while Ned and Alexis got all of five minutes IN KELLY’S to break up.  That is precisely what I’m referring to when I mention the “lopsided writing”. 

I loved Alexis's line, ''When I fell in love with you I fell in love with a business man, not Mick Jagger.''  I couldn't agree more with that statement.  The Ned I fell in love with wore suits not leather pants, not that I object to the leather pants (it’s a primal thing), just that it's not the best Ned. 

Stefan’s remark to Andreas that it was “time for her bath” referring to Helena made my mind wander off to me and Andreas and nothing separating us but a bath-mit!  Oh he’s a cutie! 

Apparently Florence doesn’t know who she’s dealing with concerning Helena or she might have minded her manners a little better.  I guess we know where Gia’s insolence gene came from. 

I couldn’t help but topple over in laughter as Mac traded snide remarks with Alexis over Zander’s new and criminally fashionable jewelry.  Go Mac!  Alexis does not run that police department and her constant attitude towards Mac and the other detectives is starting to bug me.  It is truly time to move her away from the Sonny/Jason/Zander storyline before I lose all respect for her. 

Nik and Gia are growing on me, like a bad fungus, but growing nonetheless.  I don’t particularly like either character or portrayer but they are infinitely more compelling than the latest trials and tribulations of the insulin shock twosome.  

Face of Deception should go to Liz!  Not because she’s the most qualified, but because the title is verrrrry fitting.  Sorry Luckster, you’re girlfriend is about to be permanently locking lips with somebody else!  Which leads me to…. 

Jason is back.  *Yawn*.  Next time Steve leaves, please let it be permanently. 

Lucky as photographer is ridiculous.  This boy did not even graduate from high school.  I have a high-dollar camera with lots of bells and whistles, it is not a professional camera, but it certainly takes more training than “point and shoot”.   

Luke is back and the first person he sees is Tammy?  Ugh, what happened to the Luke of years ago who would have gone straight to his children, if not his wife? 

It appears Scotty is back where he belongs on GH and mixed up with Laura!  Woohoo!  Good move GH!  Now, can we have Karen Harris from PC to write for him and Serena? 

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking and that’s where I am now. 

Until next week!