I’m not sure we can exactly say
that “Love in the Afternoon” is back, but we can definitely say that good
old-fashioned S-E-X is! I haven’t
actually scientifically calculated this or anything but I really think that
there have been more love scenes in the past couple of weeks than there were
over the entire last year. It’s
fine with me although I must say that the quantity and synchronicity of it all
are astounding. I haven’t been
able to catch many other soaps lately so when the GH’ers all started acting
like soap characters again, well, I felt like I was seeing my first “R”
rated movie all over again. It’s
We have a lot to discuss since it’s
been quite awhile since my last column. I
haven’t had time to write lately but I have been making notes as I watch.
Prepare yourself for a jumbled mess of thoughts and opinions – no time
to sort it out and make it coherent! You’re
going to have to wade through it all to find the parts you care about because
it’s in no particular order I’m afraid.
I’m also afraid it’s going to be quite long… so get comfortable, I
plan to keep you here awhile!
Lucky/Nikolas/Gia/Laura – I have to
start here because this has been really driving me crazy.
I have a few things to get off my chest on this one, beginning with that
inane photo shoot. They have ten
people running around preparing. They
have a car and an outdoor location, presumably something they had to get
permission to use and an area they had to clear.
They have a model and a photographer.
This is their new campaign and it’s BIG to them.
THEN…because Lucky is in a snit over something outside of this work
situation, he decides to make rude and degrading (don’t even care if she
deserved it – NOT the point!) comments to the model, refuses to stop and
discuss it privately at her request, decides to take a total of fifteen pictures
which took him 30 seconds (yes, I counted – nothing else to do but watch Lucky
sputter), ALL fifteen in one pose (unless you count tilting your head at a
slightly different angle, a different pose – I don’t when there is a
freaking car in the picture too so I’m doubting it’s a close-up!), and then
decides that he has enough and they can just get a different shoot set up if
they need more??!!!??? I soooo
wanted Elton to slap him one.
Ok, then cut to Laura’s office. Gia shouldn’t have barged in while Laura was with a client
and she shouldn’t have made ultimatums while in front of said client and I
would have been on board with Laura telling her so.
But then Laura, who knows better than this – I know she does –or at
least she used to, started spouting crap like “You’re asking me to choose
between my Son and you and I will choose my Son every time!”
Huh? See, I don’t see it
that way at all. I don’t see
where this has much to do with Gia at all really.
It’s about Nikolas and Lucky. Gia
doesn’t need Lucky as a friend; she just needs Lucky to act like he’s over
the age of eight while he’s working. The
only thing he needs to do is act like a professional doing his job and then he
can walk away from Gia and not speak to her in any other circumstances for all
she cares. He doesn’t have to like her but he does have to work with
her and not be a prick! And as for
Laura, she is not choosing between her photographer and her model, she’s
choosing between her sons. If
she’s going to allow one son to be disrespectful and ignorant to her other
son’s fiancée then she’s choosing between her sons.
That’s all there is to it. She
shouldn’t condone what Nik did to Liz and she shouldn’t condone the way
Lucky is handling it either. She
should let the brats work it out themselves and truly stay out of it like she
said she was going to. And if she
were staying out of it then she wouldn’t have taken sides in the argument that
took place on the photo shoot. And
anyone that wasn’t taking sides in that argument could see that Lucky was the
one at fault and therefore he gets reprimanded by the boss and is told to grow
up and act like…well, he can’t ACT like anything at all so I’ll just leave
it at that.
Sherlock Gia/Courtney – Come on!
I can’t even believe it. Who
knew she had this hidden obscure talent of all-knowingness when it comes to
liars. She seemed to buy Nikolas
and Liz’s ruse back when they were helping Lucky, but maybe that was just a
cover to throw us off the trail. And
she doesn’t seem to be catching on to Sharifa’s true intentions but maybe
that’s just because she’s too busy sniffing out AJ for her new friend
Courtney. Yes, I’m sure if she
were home more she would see right through Sharifa in the blink of an eye.
She could tell that AJ was speaking only untruths after a mere two
minutes in his presence. Let’s
hope they keep her burgeoning talent under wraps from the rest of the town or
she could be a serious threat to the genre.
I will say, though, that I did like Gia bringing up the AJ, Sonny and
Hannah link to Courtney while they were on the docks.
That was something I hadn’t thought of and it was a good way to bring
some history (even Hannah history is technically still considered history, like
it or not!) to the AJ and Sonny feud that wasn’t the same recycled Michael
I also liked Jax talking to Skye
about the search for Carly. He was
talking about how to execute the search, tides, etc. and it was a great
reference to his search for Brenda and the probable research and lessons he
learned during that experience without it being thrown in our faces.
I thought all of the subtle references and the brief conversations Jax
had with Skye and with Sonny, were just enough without going overboard.
How convenient for all the onlookers
of the Carly search that there is that great, freshly painted railing up on the
bluff. There doesn’t appear to be
any real path along it and it doesn’t appear there would often be a reason for
anyone to be standing up there in the middle of nowhere, but hey, the railing
looks great holding Sonny and Zander up.
I liked Edward's reaction to
Carly’s disappearance. He always
had a certain strange respect for her and I was glad to see they at least had
him pause for a second to acknowledge that before he started plotting with AJ.
I love musical montages and everyone
knows GH rules at doing them. I
love that you can take what you want from the actors’ expressions.
I know there is a feeling they are trying to portray, but that doesn’t
mean I have to agree with them! I
can decide for myself what I think they are feeling – I love that.
Rosie the Puppy and The Checkbook –
Who knew AJ would be the rebel. Two
gifts that ABC can’t sell and they come from the same guy.
Big Alice and Reginald were funny the
other day. I really miss the wacky
Quartermaine aspect of the show – humor has been a bit hard to find in general
lately. I realize it’s hard to
have a good laugh when every good looking man in town is running up to Bobbie or
Sonny with a soggy shoe, purse… or worse, in his hands but if we could just
maybe, start up another story that is unrelated to Carly, then maybe someone in
town could amuse us once in awhile.
I think that Zander and Carly have
the same chin-tilted, bug-eyed glare when they are angry.
They’re either related or they are both taking anger-acting lessons
from the same person.
AJ, Courtney and Rosie the Puppy
enter the Q’s from outside. Edward
follows moments later, holding his shoe. He
complains about the dog not being “housebroken” yet.
Since when does housebroken include the outdoors?
In another stunning example of lie-detectoring,
Rae told Alan that Monica really meant what she was saying this time when she
brought the divorce papers to him. Of
course, later she told Skye that she didn’t think Monica was serious; that she
thought it was just a threat. OOHH!
Rae is a Liar!!! I know she is! Liar,
Liar Pants on Fire…see I can do it too! Sherry
the lie detector. It must be
The best way to ensure that you will NOT do “this” to your sister is
to tell Lucky that anytime one of you slips the other will be RIGHT THERE to
help the other out. Yep, that
should work out fine – you two just stick closely together and you’ll be
able to resist. I have complete
faith in you both.
Gia: “Where did you ride?” Nikolas: “Along
the coast” Gia: “But isn’t that on the other side of the island?”
Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “the land near a shore”
Ummm…it’s an island, isn’t the coast on every side?
(I didn’t care enough to quote this exactly, sorry) I have to help my
Aunt Bobbie…I have to be there for her right now…but I have to do these
prints too…My Mom will just have to understand, I have to go to Aunt Bobbie. WTF??!! Since
when is he more support to Bobbie than his father or Laura would be?
The only thing I’ve seen him do at Bobbie’s so far is fight with
Mrs. Lansbury delivers an important
envelope that just arrived. Nikolas
doesn’t want to bother opening it, telling Gia that if he opened every
envelope immediately that was marked “Urgent” he’d be at his desk sixteen
hours a day (sure he would). Not
five minutes later, he sets down a tape that has incriminating evidence on it
that could send he and his woman both to jail – while other people are in the
room, no less – so that he can immediately open an envelope that Mrs. Lansbury
just delivered that is marked “Urgent”.
Oh yes, the Cassadine fortune is secure with Nik in charge, don’t give
it another thought.
Hmmm…I’m not really sure what I want to say about this.
I’m not all that interested in whether she’s really gone or not.
I can understand Zander’s angst to an extent, but he needs to get a
grip. I can buy him feeling
responsible (he’s not, in my opinion, unless you want to make the argument
that friends don’t let friends drive pissed…) but I am not at all happy with
his jumping all over Alexis. I
think that the confrontation with Sonny had little to do with Sonny and Alexis
being together, it was all about Zander’s jealousy of Sonny’s hold on Carly. So I can see where that confrontation was bound to
happen and I enjoyed it for what it was. But
when he made Alexis feel guilty I was not happy!
If he’s going to actually come right out and say that the accident was
caused by Carly being upset – then he, himself, is the one to blame.
Carly arrived at his room safe and sound, even though she was upset by
what she had seen. Then he rejected her (as he should have) and she was even
more upset when she left, never making it home.
So if we are blaming, I think you gotta go with the last moment of upset,
not the first. Not that I agree
with him – I don’t think any of them are to blame.
I find it fascinating that Carly has
every eligible man in town sending out his “men” to search for her. She sure has managed to make the right friends around town.
It’s either a really big lake or all these divers are swimming circles
around each other, but I doubt she’d be complaining!
I also find it fascinating that every bit of important news so far has
arrived via anyone BUT the cops. Are
the police really calling Jax or Nikolas to tell them to go tell Bobbie or Sonny
that they have found a purse, body, etc? Roy
knows about a body brought into a morgue because he has “feelers” out and he
goes to ID it? Wouldn’t the
police have already checked any new bodies brought in??
Either all these “men” are way better than the cops, or the cops are
talking to whomever they run into first about what they are finding.
Seems a bit odd to me. I do
get a bit jealous watching lately though. I
want some “men” to order around. And
how come only men have “men” to call on?
Helena has “men” but she’s a villain so that’s why she gets them.
Why aren’t there any “good” girls that have “men”?
If Jax and Nik get them then so should Alexis and Skye.
It’s not right, GH shouldn’t be stifling a girls dreams and
aspirations!! Equal opportunity
“men” having, that’s my wish!
It’s better lately.
But it still feels like it’s in limbo.
This Carly thing is overpowering any other story at the moment and it’s
getting to be a bit much. I think
the results will be worth riding it out, but I’m tired of hearing about it
already. The accident has given NLG
as Alexis some great opportunities to shine; I really believe that woman is lost
and alone. MB has also given Sonny
some great moments. I was happy to
see Ned comfort Alexis instead of making her feel bad, maybe that is a step in
the right direction for them. Granted,
the sleeping with Kristina thing was two steps back, but Alexis handled walking
in on them appropriately. Carly
should take lessons. But mostly the
accident has just taken over the show. It’s
a little weird, the whole town being involved.
Most of them don’t like Carly, but I suppose most of them do like
Bobbie so I guess I won’t complain too much.
It was a bit strange to see Jax and Sonny at the morgue together.
I don’t mind them getting along, Jax is more interesting to me when
he’s around Sonny or Alexis than when he’s around most anyone else.
But I really don’t know why Sonny would want Jax anywhere near him when
he viewed the body. It just
doesn’t make much sense to me. I’m
intrigued though, that I don’t really know where this is going.
It’s been awhile since there was something to ponder (other than
pondering how certain people got certain jobs with this show) about GH. That must be a step in the right direction.
I do wish for at least ONE other story that isn’t involved in the
“Carly’s gone, Oh No!” saga. It’s not normal, all characters on a soap being so
completely tied up in one event for so long.
Get on with it already!
I’ll leave you with my theory on
Carly. I believe that she is very
much alive. I think that she was
driving along having already forgotten about Zander, singing with the radio,
when she saw a flaxen-haired hitchhiker that resembled her childhood dream man,
Fabio. She thinks, screw that
little mobster and his even littler henchman, so she picks him up, they stop for
a bite to eat at Burger King where he buys her whatever the BK equivalent of a
Happy Meal is, and she puts her cardboard crown on her head.
They park up near the bluff and “get to know one another better”.
He tells her he thinks she’s really smart and that she makes very wise
decisions at all times. Her eyes light up like never before and when he asks, she
agrees to marry him. They decide to
go to Vegas immediately. But wait!
She realizes she can’t leave without telling Michael she’ll be gone
for a few days. He remembers that
he has to call his boss in private and tell him that he has Corinthos’s wife
right where he wants her. So Carly calls a cab with the cell phone and heads off to see
Michael. She has the cab take her
home first so she can pack a bag and pull one of her wedding dresses out of her
closet. Meanwhile Fabio-like guy
calls in to report his success and is reminded that his boss anxiously awaits
meeting HIS new bride. You see,
Fabio-like guy has one of those cell phones with the static problem and he
thought that he was supposed to seduce and marry Carly himself, but he was
really supposed to deliver her, untouched, to his boss (a very, very, bad
mobster enemy of Sonny’s – as of yet, not cast) so that the boss could
seduce and marry her. Upon hanging
up the phone he realizes this error will cost him his life, so he drives himself
over the bluff, choosing to choose for himself the fishes with which he will
meanwhile has gathered her stuff, and not wanting to be talked out of her
perfectly rational decision, she shimmies up the drainpipe of the brownstone and
taps on Mikey’s window – motioning him outside.
The drainpipe comes unhinged and she falls two-story’s hitting her head
and breaking two fingernails. Mikey
comes out, and being a good mom she hides her injury from him, placing her crown
back on her head and telling him whatever drivel he told Sonny she said.
Then she walks away, gets two blocks down the road and collapses in an
alley. A woman dressed all in
white, before Memorial Day again, finds her there and drags her off to the
Quartermaine boatshed locking her in. But
it’s okay because Skye left great directions on how to escape etched on a
board Carly can see from anchor she’s tied to.
And luckily she happens to have a plastic knife from Burger King in her
pocket. It’s just a matter of time before she gnaws her way through
the rope, swims to safety and shows up at Sonny’s door, pregnant with
Fabio-like guy’s baby. She will
promptly pass it off as Sonny’s (after he has guilt sex with her) or
Zander’s (after he has guilt sex with her too) and then ask the other one to
raise the child. It will be a new
and innovative storyline involving custody battles like we’ve never seen
before, trust me. You’ll
Things are looking up and they are
going to get even better soon I think. Enjoy
sweeps and I will be back with more thoughts before you know it!
Goodness, I almost forgot! I
still hate NuMaxie and I’m still waiting for someone to fix that mistake! Watching her and Lucky talk to each other is like watching a
door talk to a wall, the door having quite the set of lips and the wall having a
nice set of pecs, of course. Though
that wall looks like someone took hedge trimmers to his hair. Get a new gardener Lucky!
Port Charles Column
you clicked on the globe to help EOS today?
Those voluntary pop-ups help us pay our bills!
Click on Uncle Sam to learn more!