For the week ending October 5, 2001 . . . 

HUGE improvement in GH last week!  They still have a way to go before I call myself being completely entertained but this was a good start; however, the Superheroes have GOT TO GO!  Melissa and Roy have no business anywhere in PC and yet they are everywhere!  The most useless scenes of the week (yes, even more annoying than Sonny and Carly and the confetti) involved Roy and Melissa, a sleazy bar and another sleazy barfly hitting on Melissa.  She sure attracts some winners doesn’t she? 

Those two hysterical pictures are compliments of my friend Dion at Daytime Divas. 

It was an Angel-free week!  Woohoo.

It was a Flea-free week!  Woohoo x 2!

Only one day of Sonny/Carly.  Woohoo! 

Is it any wonder why Nik chose not to involve Gia in the plan to save Lucky?  The first thing she does after eavesdropping on Nik’s conversation with Helena regarding Liz’s unfortunate demise is tells Lucien Cain.  She doesn’t go to her brother the cop.  Nope, she develops diarrhea of the mouth with some miscellaneous international financier and she’s not even suspicious when he tells her that he knows the Cassadines after he’s failed to mention that little tidbit of information for how long now? 

Bobbie also teaches a cardiac nursing course?  Hospital, Kelly’s, Mom, sick nurse to Luke . . . how many hours does she have in her day? 

Nik’s sideburns magnify his receding hairline but this tousled look --- Mama like! Mama Like! 

They could tell me that the underwear gnomes from Southpark were responsible for Sorel’s death and I’d accept it just to get the story finished. 

So, not only is Kristina now living in the Gatehouse, Ned has apparently moved back in recently because just a week ago he was standing in the Q living room telling Zander that the gatehouse was empty.  I wholly approve of MyNed getting his house back but I have to wonder if ANYBODY responsible for writing this stuff actually takes the time to pay attention to what happened just ONE WEEK ago. Also, I think the couch in the living room is the one that was in AJ’s penthouse but I guess *they* forgot that AJ had a penthouse and he is now residing back at the mansion. Continuity.  That’s all I ask, well, not all, but it’s a jumping off point. 

On the positive side, Kristina living with Ned did provide me with a little Nexis action this week.  I was hopeful until Alexis stood in his living room where he’s putting up with and protecting her annoying little sister and she lied to his face.  Ned has taken a lot of flack this week for being colder than a shady side of an iceberg to her when she left with that Lone Ranger comment.  I really can’t blame him for still being upset for being left out of the loop considering that he’s standing in the center of it.  He was definitely harsh with her but lying to him was harsh also. 

Kristina learned nothing from her last bad disguise escapade.  Sure the baseball cap was less conspicuous than the fedora (why the hell does Jax own a fedora?) as was Ned’s jacket but unless she’s got a job advertising a hamburger chain it’s time to do something about that fluorescent hair because it is very conspicuous. 

As the saying goes a picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s a couple thousand. 

Wicked sense of deja-vous!!

Could Luke’s 1979 delusions have been any more reinforced?  I would have skipped the disco flashback (there’s no need to revisit that night ever again) but I loved the reunion on the mayor’s lawn.  Joy.  Pure joy, half of which was having poor Scotty walk in and see Laura kissing Luke.  I tried to warn him.  L&L are the be all, end all, thrill of all time.  He just doesn’t compete, especially when he starts barking orders at Laura.  I don’t care if they have started dressing alike.  Neon pink is a color best reserved for swimsuits and even then it is questionable.  I have spoken.  Burn that rag. 

Set your VCRs y’all.  On November 23, 2001, SoapNet is running a 12 hour Luke & Laura marathon celebrating the 20^th anniversary of the most watched wedding in daytime history which will include highlights of L&L over the years. No Christmas shopping will be done.  Warren Manor will be stocked with microwave popcorn (to go with the leftover turkey sandwiches) Kleenex, video tapes and, of course, the obligatory holiday supply of Captain Morgan and I intend to veg happily perched in my recliner in front of the television all day. 

It doesn’t matter how cute your ass is Gia honey, if you put it in painted on pants exhibiting vertical strips it looks as wide as an L.A. expressway.  Now, while I’ve got your attention that ‘wicked witch of the weird’ comment was unnecessary.  Report immediately to Katrina’s office for your punishment and sensitivity training. 

Line of the week was, without a doubt, Helena to Elizabeth: “Do you like apples?” just before Nikolas passed out the poison-laced wine.  Disney has this weird synergy going on with the re-release of Snow White on DVD this week.  Runner up would be Luke’s question to Laura “Did you drop a tab?” Nope, but I’ve oft speculated that the writers partake in some under-the-counter meds before penning some of the stories we’ve been watching, maybe this whole goofy biotoxin story was the result of some really boss LSD. 

I’ve recently discovered the fascinating world of GH fan-fiction.  While most of the would-be writers need to hone the craft a little more I have found a few that are worth the extra time in front of the computer.  My favorite these days is Crossing the Line despite all the Sonny/Alexis, um, interaction, yeah, “interaction” that’s a good word, it’s an outstanding story and MyNed is very much in the picture. You have to read it from the beginning but scene 50 is my favorite for reasons that will become evident at the reading. *g* 

Finally, I must apologize for the damage done to poor Stefan’s eye.  I mentioned in the last column that a friend and I had the opportunity to see Stephen Nichols’ play in L.A. I failed to disclose the wild night afterwards wherein SN struggled, um I mean, was overly enthusiastic as we attempted to shove, I mean, escort him into our vehicle.  Later we forced, I mean asked him to wear the fuzzy handcuffs that I purchased from Faison’s estate sale <snicker> and during all of the ensuing commotion he apparently burst a blood vessel in his eye.  Poor baby, he’s just not used to that eye Patch anymore.  I’m kidding, of course, but allow me my little fantasies, ok?