The Week in Review: General
By Carolyn Aspenson
This was an interesting week for me. My three children started school on Monday.
(Sing ďwoo hoo!Ē at the tops of your voices in celebration with me!) Erika my
eleven year old started Ďmiddle schoolí, or to us older folk, junior high. She
is still reeling from all of the cute boys. This will be a hormonally
interesting year for our family where Erika is concerned. Her priorities? Making
sure boys notice her, trying to wear as much Abercrombie labeled shirts as
possible and make up. Oh, she also wants to maintain a 90 - 95% GPA to stay on
honor roll. She is enrolled in three TAG (talented and gifted) classes along
with advanced math and advanced language arts. The girlís not stupid, thatís for
sure. But this boy thing is going to be the death of us all! I continually call
my mother and thank her for not killing me when I was a preteen. She says wait
until my daughter hits the real teens. She almost killed me then. Great. Lookiní
forward to that!
My nine year old started 4th grade, her first year in elementary school without
her big sister. The drama! The tears! The guilt! The unfairness of it all! Erika
gets EVERYTHING. Morgan, poor deprived soul, gets nothing. Weíve enrolled
her in a drama class because the kid can drop a marathon of crocodile tears in
seconds flat. Morgan will also get gymnastics classes, chorus and Sunday School.
Apparently her definition of Ďnothingí is different than ours.
And last, but certainly not least, my four and 1/2 year old best buddy, biggest
pal and devil child son started Pre K! Iím not sure whether to jump for joy or
cry a river of tears. He has been a true joy to be with since I stopped my
career dead in its tracks to stay home in June of 2002. He has also been the
biggest pain in the butt Iíve ever experienced since eighth grade when the most
Ďpopularí girl didnít like me because someone told her I was prettier than her.
(Frankly, I think I was too and I bet I still am! :-) ) Heís had mixed
feelings about Ďbig boy schoolí. Itís structured and lasts 6 hours and 45
minutes, which is far too long for him to be separated from his source of
all...me. He did great Monday morning, but itís been down hill since. Last night
he asked me ďMommy, how many days till Iím all growed up?Ē I told him lots and
lots of days. His reply? ďIím gonna miss the little Justin.Ē I have to agree
with him on that one. It truly amazes me that heís so insightful at less than
five years old.
So needless to say, with school hitting last week wouldnít you know it, both of
my younger kids are home just in time for General Hospital! That means snacks,
homework and reports of the day right when Ted Kings gorgeous being graces my
screen. Rat farts! Why canít this darn board of education end school later! Geez.
It really messes up my rhythm! I did get to watch most of each episode, however
Iím sure I missed key dialog and scenes that will likely come to haunt me in the
near future. All in all, it wasnít the greatest week in GH history but it wasnít
the worst either.
I am happy to see that Emily is finally experiencing cancer. Okay. Wait. I know
how that reads! What I mean is that Iím happy that they have stopped down
playing cancer as anything less than the serious and terrible disease that it is
and that it now has a place in the storyline of ďEmily has cancerĒ. Itís
disrespectful to those of us who have survived the disease or those of us who
have experienced the pain of it through the ones we love. If youíre going to
have a story about cancer, just have it. Donít lay it on the cable and then
pretend itís not there. That cheats us. That takes away the soap opera in soap
operas. ĎNuff said.
I was more than appalled to see Stefan pay someone to hit him in an effort to
scare Nikolas into sleeping with his wife. Stefan hasnít always made the wisest
of choices thatís true but stooping to such ridiculous infantile actions as a
means to an end isnít characteristic of the character most of us know and love
as Stefan. Heís ruthless, borderline violent and often mistaken for sociopathic,
all with a heart and intentions of gold, of course. But this was just...well? It
was just plain silly. Thumbs down on the Stefan getting socked storyline.
Did anyone else think Monica has had either botox shots or some type of facial
surgery recently? Her cheeks were lookiní mighty tight this week. Iím so
happy that Carly is no longer trapped on that sorry excuse for a yacht with that
terribly small suite and that horrendously cruel host, Alcazar. Iím surprised
sheís not been institutionalized from the angst and trepidation she must be
feeling. If I were her, Iíd much prefer shaving Lorenzoís face (and ANY other
part of his body - for those of you who saw Ted King on Sex in the City!) than
sit at home trying desperately to convince my controlling husband that I did
nothing to make one of his enemies become attracted to me. I really like the
chemistry between Ted King and Tamara Braun. Honestly, Iím one of those that
really likes the chemistry between Tamara Braun and anyone other than Maurice
Benard. I just donít see it with those two. But Carly and Alcazar? Hot!
There is a great potential storyline here if Guza and Frons allow it; a bit of a
triangle between Sonny, Carly and Alky. Itís about time Sonny not get everything
he wants for a change. Thumbs up for Carly and Lorenzo!
Whatís possessed almost normal Ned to think he has ANY real rights to Kristina
knowing full well he is NOT the biological father of that child? And where
is the backstory on this storyline? Are we supposed to simply forget the history
between Ned and Alexis? Are we supposed to pretend he knows nothing about what
drives this woman and why she would do the things sheís done? Do we simply
pretend we donít know that Ned should realize, given her past, that Alexis will
do anything necessary to get what she wants? Sheís allowed Ned to play daddy to
keep Sonny and his lifestyle away from her daughter. Sheís killed a man with the
intensity of a protective mother. Come on Ned, get a flippiní clue will ya
already? Thumbs WAY down to Ned and his idiocy. Thumbs way, way down!
Donít even get me started on Skye and her obsessive need to feel love and have a
sense of family. Enough already! New storyline please!
I wonder if Iím the only
one out there who hasnít missed Jax one single solitary bit?
Kung Fu Courtney to the rescue! If the actions of this woman are not enough to
drive Jason away from her, then I donít know what is! She has broken every mob
girlfriend rule in the book!
1. Mob girlfriends DONíT go around beating up enemy mob hands.
2. Mob girlfriends DONíT threaten female mob wannabes who also happen to be
3. Mob girlfriends DONíT walk around with millions of dollars in more than
obvious metal briefcases.
4. Mob girlfriends DONíT call and have their mob boss brothers planes available
at their beck and call when mob boss right hand man canít charter it for himself
whenever he wants.
5. Mob girlfriends DONíT run around the country trying to find mob boyfriend to
give him a message. Anyone ever heard of voicemail?
Thumbs down for Kung Fu Courtney being a good mob girlfriend.
Did anyone see Bobbi and Carly connect since her return from kidnapping? Perhaps
I was relieving myself of a Diet Coke during that scene.
Maybe itís me, but if I were a teenager waiting for a room so I could wait in a
safe, medically sound environment for a heart transplant, I wouldnít want two
candy stripers holding on to me walking me around, while I wait ALONE for my
room! Whereís her parents? Whereís the wheelchair? Why couldnít the writers find
a better way to have Kyle learn about Maxieís heart transplant and her guilt
associated with it? I certainly donít expect my soaps to be all about reality
but that was really pushing the edge for me. I did like that they finally
mentioned, somewhere last week, the reason Maxie has no scar...plastic surgery.
Nice touch since Carolyn from Soap Opera Digest brought it up in her ďItís Only
My OpinionĒ column some time ago. All in all? Thumbs down to the poor handling
of what could have been a good few minutes of soap.
Faith and Dillon gets a BIG EW from me. Faith is evil. She killed her
Grandmother. Faith is a psychopath. She fell in love with Ric in seconds. Faith
is a bitch. She picks at Liz for being a decent human being. Faith is not a
pedophile. Gross. I canít even move my thumb on this one because the ew factor
is so big.
I really like the scenes with Elizabeth. Rebecca Herbst is doing an amazing job
at playing confused and angry. She is a woman in love and hates herself for it.
I can relate to that every time my husband ticks me off for doing something that
Iíve asked him a million times not to. Okay, so he hasnít kidnapped a woman in
an attempt to steal her baby, stuffed me with enough birth control pills to
practically kill me and lie to me with every breath but given the time of the
month, it can feel almost as severe. Big thumbs up to Rebecca Herbst and her
That folks, is what I consider to be the highlights of GH this week. Nothing
major really happened, if you ask me. I have decided, however, to end each of my
columns with a guess at what I think might happen sometime in the near future.
This is more of a practice for me when I become a soap opera writer, kicking
Guzaís sorry butt right out of the GH studios and giving the women on the show
some frigginí backbones once again!
Gia is pregnant with Zander's baby.
I'd love to hear what
you think! Write me with your comments at the address below!