Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to ABC.com because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  *Please also note that this is NOT a spoiler or "exclusive info" site...it's a GOSSIP page and what we are discussing might be a RUMOR or a SPOILER, but isn't guaranteed to be what hits the screen.  I'm NOT in the business of or interested in breaking the exclusives.*   I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my loveys to go unarmed into war!  Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS!

Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column or on the message board right away. 

HA!  I TOLD YA!!

That as soon as I had the info, my darlings, you'd have it!!  I just got this in from a wonderful source!

Yep, got it straight from the SAXaphone!!  Jax and Skye DO actually become man and wife and Brenda arrives AFTER the pronouncing.  He does the Sonny thing and tells Brenda that his heart is with Skye, she tells him he has no future with her (because of the disease), then he goes back and tells Skye his heart is with her and they have their Honeymoon Moment.  Alas.  Jax just can't keep his mind off of Brenda and it's confirmed to as much of a confirmation as one can get before it hits the screen that Jax and Brenda will end up together. 

But what about Skye?  Rumor has it that since Alcazar really is in love with Brenda and since Hell Hath No Fury like a crazed psychopath arms dealing mobster scorned, Alcazar and Skye may be teaming up to break up the two.  Nope, they don't succeed, but they might find a little misery amongst company that turns to a hot honor amongst thieves...very hot!!  They won't start out as best buddies by a long shot and look for Alcazar to be about as trustworthy to Skye as Edward is, but in the end, he will be seeing her in a new light.  (The about Skye part is just rumor at this point...strong rumor, but just rumor).

Dangit, I'm tired!

Yours truly got shang hai'd into helping Kye and Vince (sis and bro-in-law) move this weekend and those guys wore mah ass out!!  I can't believe she had so many things stored up in that apartment.  Anyway, they are settled and yes, I'm a bit late on the column, so I do apologize.  Say a prayer for Sage, will ya?

Darlings!!  I’ve learned a couple of things tonight.  One is that I’m a total picture whore.  I started out just looking for a decent shot of Constance Towers from those gracious sites that have given us riffling and pillaging privilege of their photos.  I ended up using one we already had from our own screen cap stash, but in the interim, I found some cool stuff I wanted to share with you. 

First, check out this link, which is a basic Who’s Who of daytime drama in the guise of a photo gallery for the show, “Capitol” of which I saw exactly NO episodes.  Evidently, this was a severely bad judgment call on my part.   Click on dem pics to get even more pics!!

www.anzwers.org/free/capitol2002/ Pages/photogallery.htm 

Next, I found an Emmy page in which (pfft, as usual) Shell Kepler wears the fugliest outfit known to humankind (or in this case, humanunkind).   

But, as usual, Miss Vultaggio-Jackson (doesn’t that sound like it should be one of Michael’s brothers, like Michael, Jermaine, Tito and Vultaggio?) is dressed QUITE smartly.  She must have known it was the only year she'd ever go.

Then, getting a little closer to where, I needed to be, I found these badass pictures of Connie with Da Duke in “The Horse Soldiers.”    In the black and white photo, it’s the same movie, but this shot has John Wayne, William Holden (who my mother swears she once dated – pfft, ANYway) and Constance.  She played Hannah Hunter and the movie is described (I never saw it) as “A great civil war story, but a weak love story.”) 

Evidently, saddened by the “weak love story” remark, she went on to play quite the whore in THE NAKED KISS (da da dunnnnnn).

These awesome pics are from her stage performance with someone I’m sure I should know, John Cullum, in “The King and I.” 

Thus ends our fashion show and CT retrospective for tonight. 

AMC 

Pfft.  I’m so mad at AMC I could SPIT  (ack thuuuuu)!  WHY let go of Vanessa when there is so, so much to explore???  I’ve heard it’s because they want her to go out with Leo, but DANG!  Just because Josh wants to bail is no reason to boot one of the most interesting characters on the block!  Lord knows we didn’t pay much for Aiden to come in and suck all the air out of the room, so with Josh and Cam both gone, they can well afford her.  Damned, damned fools.  *shakin’ my Sage head.” 

Nope, Kelly’s newest bun in the oven won’t be written into the storyline, but since we so seldomly see Hayley, I don’t think it will be a problem to go with the big envelope, giant purse, huge vest and jackets ploy.  She only seems to gain about 7-8 pounds with her pregnancies, so I don’t think they’ll have much to hide.  If she was like my sisters, she’d be pregnant in her neck and elbows and ears and have baby stuffed everywhere she could get it, but with Lola, she was still doing that skinny girl basketball carry, so I think it can be easily managed. 

OLTL 

Katrina, the noise you keep hearing in the OLTL background is some construction going on in the area near where OLTL is filmed.  Pretend you don’t hear it, darling, and stop whapping on your TV before you blow a fuse or something. 

Yep, it’s Keri’s mom and the bad news she got that sent her winging to Chicago is that her Stepdad died (the one who is now mingling with African dust).  She didn’t tell RJ because she didn’t want him to be hurt seeing her grieve her “other dad.”  And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…’Tonio loves you more than you will know…ho ho ho.”  I mean really, what are the chances? 

Who the complete hell is Gary talking about when he says familiar faces are returning to Llanview??  If this is something stupid like Viki’s return or (!) Will returning (nooooooo!) or the quickie blurb with Susan Batten, I’m going to be so pissed.  I wanna see some long term old friends that are going to stick around!!! 

Since Erin Torpey is leaving the show, I’ve wondered if they are going to go through with the idea that was kicked around about having Jess murdered!  If they do, I’m betting that damned brother of hers did it.  And I ask you.  Please.  Was that scene between Rex and Seth today at the college NOT the most latent gay extravaganza you’ve ever seen in your whole latent gay extravaganza detecting life?  Gay men around the planet were going, “Mmm hmmm, girl…I knew it!”  If it wasn’t for that freaking business of him watching Jessica in secret, I wouldn’t be offended in the least (I mean, he does have the club necklace).  The spying is just creepy and as soon as I start to see weird little movements when he is, honey, Sage is OUTTA DER!!!  Ewwwwww!!!!  And even Shawna the Obtuse is noticing it!!  I can’t believe she’s still SPEAKING to him after he watched Jessica make out with Seth, flogged her on a lawn chair, then sent her skinny butt packin’ down the driveway.  Hasn’t anyone but Molly and Seth (who can’t get past his obvious arousal long enough to do anything except make caveman passes at him) noticed what a creepazoid this guy is???  I think Niki had him pegged right all along! 

I am beyond thrilled that the fabulous Nigel Bartholomew-Smythe is getting so much airtime!!  Who would have thought they would send him out of the mansion on an errand to speak with Bo!  Progress!!  Now if GH would take the hint and give Elton and Reginald a life, we’d be in business.  I mean, how often is it that “the help” is a ton more fun than the stars?? 

GH 

I want to do what I meant to do last week and give tribute to some real Ho’s.  I’ve got Ho’s all over the net, mind you, bein’s as how I’m a big time pimp to the stars and all, but I’m talking about the Ho’s that were there (*gasp*) before *I* even had *MY* Ho’s (and yes, my little blue pencil grabbers, “Ho’s” is always capitalized when I’m referring to My Ho’s, so don’t be getting your grammatically correct panties/thongs all in a bunch).  That would be the CassaHO’s, which are a fabulous group of women who idolize the well-worth-idolizing Cassamen, particularly, the fairest of them all, STEPHEN NICHOLS.  If you want to go to a truly kick ass website about His Lordship, the one at http://www.stephennichols.net cannot be beat.  Talk about being a picture whore…this little picture whore was happy as Mocha in her creamed corn when one of the beautiful (and oh so creative) CassaHO’s herself sent me the link.  Katrina had told me about meeting the CassaHO’s at the GH Fan Luncheon event last year and hearing her talk, I thought they were fictional characters (picture them giving Stephen Nichols a risqué thong and him replying that “it’s not long enough.”  OW!!!), but NO!!!  And after corresponding with a particularly lovely CassaHO, I know that  I WANNA BE A CASSAHO!!!  So go look at that site.  Right now.  I’ll wait!!  But before you go, a word of warning…do NOT, repeat, DO NOT look at the SN gallery for any length of time WITHOUT a significant other around to take out the pent up energy on when you are done.  Honey, dem pics are LETHAL!!! 

So check this out!!!  I know it’s probably all over the net at other sites, but Coleman buys JAKE’S and asks Courtney to go to work there!!  Of course, AJ freaks out and screws it all up, but honey, it ain’t gonna be Brother St Jason who gets in the middle of AJ and his Woman!!  It’s going to be the most loveable burnt up strip club owner in town, our own COLEMAN (I’ll bet they even give him a first name!!!)   AJ has to go out of town on Edward-related business (I HEARD but can’t verify that it’s to get him off of – get ready, here’s the weirdness – RICO charges, remembering from Sonnier days that RICO is the acronym for the Racketeering Influenced Corrupt Organization, in honor of the RICO Act) and while he’s gone, Coleman actual escorts Courtney to Skye and Jax’s wedding!!! 

Sonny will be faking his death the week of the 16^th and Carly will swing into action to take over his territory, believe it or not, and act in Sonny’s stead!!  Of course, it’ll really be Sonny giving the orders, but she gets to be the mouthpiece, which is bound to be a hoot! 

Liz bonds with Carly when she thinks that Sonny is dead and proves to be a real friend for the hysterically grieving “widow.”  Can big wads of bubble gum and “Shu-ah, Dahl” be far behind??   

Taggert has to be “sure” at the closed-casket funeral and makes a big scene. 

The Shot Heard Round the World rings out (and I hear it is from Roy) in front of Brenda and isn’t in the loop to hear it’s all a fake.  She FREAKS out and tries to get to the funeral, but Jason gets physical and holds her back.   

You know, it’s just so hard to be a puppet these days!  Alcazar believes Roy did such a “bang up” job of taking out Sonny that he orders him to get Jasper in his sights next!! 

Nope, I have no idea how far into the wedding Jax and Skye get before he runs after Brenda (who is escorted by Alcazar!) or whether their knot is officially tied.  As soon as I know, I’ll tell ya.  I have heard the wedding is on the 24^th. 

Have you seen the new Geddy Banner?  Here’s what Sage knows:  Notice that the song, “Name” by the Goo Goo Dolls is referenced.  It got me thinking about the line, “Scars are souvenirs you never lose…the past is never far.”  How Brenda is that?  I know some are thinking Zander, but my money’s on Brenda!   

Are Nia going to be in the background?  Evidently, the couple isn’t going to be doing much more than supporting the Luke story for a while, so don’t expect any Nia info soon, unfortunately. 

If you were wondering about Coltin’s teeth, I heard (this is just rumor) that he had them treated because of stains from his smoking. 

Can Helena really being showing up in October (pleasepleaseplease)? 

SHE LIVES!!  Word is that Peanut will be a survivor and will make an entrance for February sweeps to WEDDED parents…so it won’t be Davis, as Alexis suggested, but ASHTON.

Heard the Kale Brown rumor is false…but it’s not an official statement. 

Zander is supposed to be written off canvas for a while.  Seems the outcry against a Zander-Elizabeth pairing is what nipped it in the bud quickly with the amnesia, but since that story is nixed, they don’t quite know what to do with him, so he may end up on the run for a while, perhaps to return with the recast Emily?? 

I’ve heard Scott may step down from the DA’s office and perhaps step out of GH altogether. 

Rick’s ghost is supposed to show up soon and not only that, there is rumors that Laura just might NOT have been the killer!  What if Rick wasn’t quite totally dead when L&L bolted from the attic? 

And just where the hell is Lesley??  Shouldn’t she have put in an appearance when Laura was begging for her mother and when Luke was naming the support LuLu has just before Lucky said, “She needs YOU,” he went through Nikolas, Lucky and Barbara Jean…no Gramma??  Shouldn’t we get to see Lesley’s reaction to Rick’s murder??  The attic story is far, far from over! 

And that, my darlings, is that for this week unless you brave the Uncensored Sage later in the week.  Enter ONLY at your own risk (of being deeply offended). 

Ciao!!

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