Riding into battle or sitting on my ass seems to be the question to contemplate.  Really, I'm already past the decision making process, but sitting on my ass is looking most alluring at the moment.

After a rather rocky weekend (if you consider Fred Flintstone's quarry to be rocky, we could be into understatement here), I have made the monumental decision for about the 700th time to put the nose to the grindstone and do the things I need to do.  My motivation isn't the best or healthiest in the world (to show up my husband), but whatever gets the job done, right?  Revenge isn't an angle I've tried before, but I think I can keep it as the carrot in front of the nose long enough to get the job done. 

I'm not just talking about the weight, but the house as well.  Bottom line is that I'm seeing Eric's not ever going to stop bitching about it and I value peace and solace more than I value my time and relaxation, so I'm a woman with a scrub brush these days.  I'm sure I'll garner some incredible sense of accomplishment from trading in my hours on a handful of clean appliances and carpets, but pfft, whatever.  Blah Blah Blah.  The bottom line is that no one else is going to do it and I'm the reasonable person to get it done.  So I spent the wretched weekend working on it and I'm about half where I ought to be in the process, or at least half to decent enough.  I have about a tenement's worth of laundry to get done today and those freakin pictures STILL haven't been done and we're into the 3rd week.  So as you can see, my day is planned.

On the weight issue, I have tied my weight loss (or lack thereof) into Eric quitting smoking (or lack thereof) for years now.  It's like some weird, co-dependent, dysfunctional partnership where we both have these incredible weaknesses/addictions that we use as quick fun and comfort rather than going the distance and getting past them to get to better health (and in my case, better clothes).  I think he feels much more comfortable if I'm overweight because it then justifies his smoking.  If I see that he's started smoking again, part of me heaves a sigh of relief and says, "Excellent.  I'll make potato skins."  This weekend, I finally separated out my own situation and decided to do better and demand better for and of myself, regardless of what he's doing with his.  I mentioned the revenge factor before and I think it came more out of his insinuation that I would never succeed at it and me throwing back that I'd accept his apology at Samhain (Halloween, end of the harvest) when I'm a good weight and he's still smoking.  (the "so there!" was almost palpable, although I didn't go so far as to say it).  This is the first time I've actually gone the distance of "planting" the lean, strong, healthy body as my primary goal for the year's work, so I'm getting definite signs that it's time to do it.  I'll let you know at Spring Equinox if it's a full on goal, but I suspect it will be.  If you're totally confused about this whole cycle of the year talk, you can read about how I handle long-term goals by clicking here.  CUSP is the spiritual path that Eric and I developed for long term goal manifestation in our lives.  It stands for "Climbing Up the Spiral Pathway."

This weekend, I eased back into higher protein, lower carb eating without going full scale Atkins yet.  That started this morning.  I've found I get sick if I go right from one extreme to the other without easing into it.  Today, I had my favorite breakfast:  eggs and leftover steak.  Also threw back some Hydroxycut for the appetite suppression and a tad of energy.  I did my workout and managed a shower with no interruption from the boys (feared something had happened to them, but they were happily playing in their room).  Had to stop once and take a call from Eric, but that didn't throw me off at all.  For the workout, I went back to what has worked best for me, which is Body Flexing.  It only takes up 15 minutes twice a day and is very effective (I'm already a bit sore and stiff from this morning).  I had really good results on it before (10" off my butt in two weeks), so I'm going to do that twice a day for two weeks and work Atkins for the same amount of time.  After that, I'll modify the diet and go to yoga as well.

For the first time in a long time, this time I feel like I'm really going to do it.

I also decided that if I was going to demand this of my mind, body and spirit, speaking of the exercising, the diet modifications and the housecleaning, I'm going to give my body back something wonderful.  I got busy on e-bay and gave myself about a $40 treat and ordered one of those vibrating and heating chair backs for my office chair, a heating pad for the bed, a foot spa and one of those foot infrared heating, vibrating things.  This way, every day, I can reward myself with some luxury time, come hell or high water. 

So that's the plan at this point in that respect.  Off my ass, into battle, get moving.  I appreciate any good wishes that well meaning people may direct my way about not seeing this as war or battle, but after how long I've been trying, I'm going to have to go into warrior priestess mode to make this happen, so just bear with me as I break from my usual passive platform.

One thing that interests me is I just found is this stuff called "Starch Away," which sounds like a total hoax, but hey, it also sound medically plausible (I've wondered why no one came up with this before with lo carb so it seems it could work), I'm, of course, reasonably skeptical.  Supposedly, with some kind of vanilla (yum) bean extract or something, it inhibits the sugar/insulin spike that occurs when you're on lo carb and eat carbs.  So if I decide to have a bit of potato with my dinner, I can chew a couple of these before dinner and reduce the spike, in theory anyway.  I'll letcha know.

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Got Dylan to school with only having to walk in a misty rain except for a bit more enthusiastic bit we hit for a while.  It cleared up quickly.  I forced myself to work harder this time and I could really feel the soreness from the Body Flex this morning.  Went a little faster (huff, puff, huff) and pushed a little harder, pushed the stroller up the grass instead of around the sidewalk.  Nathan kept putting his wet sneakers on the front wheels so he could "hear the stroller fart."  That made me pitch forward every few minutes and want to bang on his pointed little head a bit (I didn't, just thought about it).

Saw the cool, bug-up-the-butt lady who looked the other way.  OH well.  Maybe she's my "baby with the one eyebrow."    I wish I knew why she's so rude, whether it's personal to me or to her.  I don't wish I knew enough to go back on her door and demand to know, so I guess it will stay a mystery.

I actually watched the Grammy's last night.  I love the Golden Globes, the Emmy's and the Oscars, but I usually avoid music awards shows because I seldom know the songs or artists being nominated.  I'm into older country, classic rock, new age, celtic, percussion and old gospel as a rule and don't really get much top 40 in any genre.  I watched last night for 3 reasons:  Simon and Garfunkle, James Taylor and to see if Chris' (Delena's friend) Mom won the Grammy for Best Native American Album (she did).  I wanted most of the 3 hours, but I did miss a few things, including the announcement of her win >:< .  I suspect it was one of those "earlier this evening" awards in the lists and I just stepped out at the wrong moment.  She really is wonderful.  Her name is Mary Youngblood and her website is here.  Be sure and visit the "music" link to listen to her samples.

Click the pics to see bigger copies.  I was most impressed with Simon and Garfunkle,

who definitely still have it after a 10 year break from performing together (Concert in the Partk) of course, and it was wonderful that they were linked with Dustin Hoffman for that Graduate connection.  :) 

In no particular order, here are my comments:

Ouch.  Talk about an ill-advised dress.  Maybe Faith Hill went through a growth spurt after her dress was altered because, Lord, every time she leaned back, I was expecting to get a gynecologist view.  Ew.  She usually looks awesome, but this dress was way past too short.

I'd never heard of Norah Jones, but what a talent!  Whoa!  She very much reminded me of another Grammy gal tonight, Bonnie Raitt (keep reading, she's around too)

James Taylor was awesome but it was quite an unexpected joy to see his perform with the world's greatest cellist, Yo Yo Ma.  What a dynamic team!  Sweet Baby James and Yo Yo! 

I'd not heard much by The Dixie Chicks, but they did a rendition of Stevie Nicks' "Landslide" that sent me running to Grokster!  Awesome!

The Boss proved he can still grimace musically like no one else!

Bonnie Raitt (right) who is just so awesome and Aretha Franklin, who is the walking personification of what I want to be at her age:  totally successful and in the realm of "don't give a fuck" when it comes to fashion.  Aretha wears with Aretha wants and defies anyone not to like it.  I thought it was great and my R-E-S-P-E-C-T goes out to her.