April 22, 2004

It is with great pride that I announce my latest endeavor, and I’ve chosen this forum to do so because you all have been so supportive of me in the past. I just know you’ll want to jump on the bandwagon early and be a part of the very beginning of something ever so spectacular! I’ve long been searching for something I can really get behind, a cause that will allow me to use all my power for good (*Snort* Okay…wait, let me compose myself). So with great pride I announce:

The Soily Campaign!
Viewers for some down and dirty Sonny and Emily luvin!

The time is right and I will be silenced no longer! (There’s been a vast conspiracy against even the utterance of this couple for quite some time; I’d give you details but there are some things you will be safer not knowing about.) I believe I’m the first person brave enough to spearhead such a campaign, and therefore I should obviously be the President of the Soily Campaign. If someone out there among you would like to lay prior claim to Soily, I’d be glad to have a discussion about it. Just be warned that I have studied Kill Bill Vol. 1 and I learned a LOT from it. Okay, so now that the political side is dealt with, let’s move on to the nationwide campaign tour.

I want billboards, magazine ads, and television commercials. “This is the President of the Soily Campaign, and I approved this message.” I think we need to come up with some great slogans, (“Feeling Soily?”) and of course we’ll allow ABC to steal them when they formulate their promos for Soily…once they’ve caved in to our undying pressure for Soily. After all, this isn’t about proprietary rights; this is about Soily! We’ll have them, one way or the other…no matter how dirty we have to play to get Soily!

Storyline wise, I’ve contemplated this for a good five minutes (in my head, that’s a big effort, believe me) or so and I came up with some really great storylines that can result from this pairing. Once Jason walks in on some Soily sex, he will undoubtedly need to confront Sonny and he will absolutely need to utter the words “My sister seduced you and now she will BETRAY us!” Then he will sulk off in disgust, and we (The Soily-ers will evermore know him? The Soily-ests?) as the “Poor Jason, the outcast of Soily”, maybe the “Soily Discharge”, if you will. (Katrina takes credit for that…though, I’m not sure she’ll really want to, lol) Now, obviously there will be a bit of an issue at the beginning of this huge romance, because we do still have Sam hanging around. For that matter, Soily has several obstacles because there’s still the residue of Carly tainting our Soily. Not for long though. Emily has proven over the last week that she can beat down even the great Helena Cassadine without batting an eye - the girl has NO fear! I know how she feels though, on the rare occasion that I bother with lip-gloss, I feel the power of my womanhood overwhelming any timidity almost immediately. Good stuff, that.

Emily will discard of first Sam and then that nagging “mother of my kids” Carly. She will make Sonny her own and they will have a love affair the likes of which have never been seen on daytime before. It will break new ground, it will spawn many copycat attempts at couple-dom. Sonny will be satisfied as never before. Sure, he’s had good luck up until now at finding women who will kiss his ass, but never before has he found one that will leave absolute proof that she’s done so. Now if we can find a way to keep the FTC from noticing Sonny’s newfound penchant for dropping his pants to check out the lip marks every time he needs a confidence boost.

I know what you’re thinking. You think I have an “agenda” here or something, right? Well I absolutely do not! Am I wrong to yearn for Soily? Am I wrong to get down in the trenches and fight my way through the dirt to get myself some Soily? Hah. I thought not. The only payment I need for my services, as President of The Soily Campaign is to see my beloved couple locked together in a room, forever whispering about their love. Nothing could make me happier.

We’ll be holding our first Soily meeting in early May to elect officers and vote on slogans. Please submit all slogan ideas to me, your Soily President, by May 1^st at the email below. My thanks in advance to all Soily Supporters; by coming clean about your Soily love, you’ll be able to make many new Soily friends while ensuring that we’ll have Soily hitting the sheets for many years to come.

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Yes, I recall telling you I had more to say when I wrote last week, and no, I wasn’t lying. I had notes, lots of them. I suppose you won’t believe me if I say the dog ate them, so I’ll just come clean and tell you that I lost my muse…or something. I just can’t find much to say. I was vastly amused watching Carly and Sonny reminisce about their five hundred marriages, sitting cozily on the couch, while Michael was God knows where doing God knows what. What parents behave that way in the face of a missing seven-year-old, self-inflicted or not? Good grief, it was beyond explanation. Poor Leticia isn’t even allowed to show that she’s the real mommy by seeing through the ransom note either. That was pretty low, considering everything she does for those kids. I know in my heart that Leticia already knew exactly what was going on, she just figured it would be nicer to let Carly come up with the idea. Given that Carly once wrote a threatening note in crayon, I was very impressed that Michael resorted to such technological measures as a printer with his note. Good for him!

I cheered Mike on in his assessment of Sonny. He’s back in my favor again after his silly speech to Courtney about how she should put aside what she thinks is right and go boink herself a criminal again if that’s what she wants. I figure he was just drunk or something that day.

I’m afraid that’s about all I’m going to comment on for the moment. I’m several days behind in my viewing, so I don’t know yet if Michael will need part of AJ’s liver in order to survive the horrible well ordeal. I think that’s where we’re headed though (I mean, this is a soap and the real dad is an enemy and all) so I’m really looking forward to Sonny and Carly having to kiss up to AJ for saving their stolen kid’s life. Leave me to my dreams in peace.

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In other news, did you know it was “Take your child to work” day today? Well, neither did I. I took my youngest to the doctor’s this afternoon (Which is almost as much fun as letting her go to work with Dad, right?) and was a bit taken aback to find several children using the receptionists chairs like a set of monkey bars. I figured the sitter was sick or something, so whatever. Then, the door to the inner sanctum opens and the face of a seven-year-old boy appears to call out my daughter’s name off his clipboard. Um…now I’m thinking, crap, maybe it’s time for a new doctor. It still hasn’t dawned on me what’s really going on, not even as he’s yelling out her weight to the nurse to record, nor when he followed us into the exam room. Apparently there aren’t enough unaware people such as myself to merit a little sign or a quick, “it’s take your kid to work day, do you mind if I bring my offspring into the exam room with me?”. When he started asking to use the blood pressure cuff on her, it occurred to me that this *had* to be well beyond a lack of babysitter issue and then I vaguely remembered something in the school newsletter weeks ago about this day coming up. At that point I stopped scanning my memory of the approved physicians list in my insurance handbook and relaxed a bit.

That lasted right up until I saw him take the sanitary thermometer sleeve out of the box with his fingers and start jamming it on the thermometer while heading straight for my kid! To her credit, nurse mom stopped him in time and promptly relegated him to the stool by the counter where he proceeded to play with the thing the doctor would later be peering in her ears and nose with, *sigh*. We all caught a break when he blew up a latex glove like a balloon and his mother opened the door and literally shoved him out. I’ve decided that stay at home moms basically take their kids to work every darn day, and therefore quite enjoy not having extra children in places of business. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a great event and I see the merit in it and all…I’m just asking for more warning next time. Heaven forbid that I’d have had a haircut appointment today! My wonderful haven of soft music, head massages, and soft-spoken people asking me if I’d like coffee would’ve been replaced with sticky kid fingers, loud questions, and the intermittent thud from somebody’s child hopping on one foot over and over again. *Shudder* Does anyone know if it’s always the fourth Thursday in April? I need to plan ahead for next year.