March 4,2003

I've always thought of March 4th as Dumbass Day because when I was about 14 or so, a guy that I really liked (and at 14, there weren't many guys I didn't like, beginning a decades long bad habit of finding the value in ANYone and looking at it to the exclusion of a million red flags, but in this case, the guy likely was a very nice, clean cut, good guy sort, unlike the baaad boys I tended to seek out), Alan Horton, told me that today was "Band Day."  Band Day?  I took in that he was in band, played trumpet or some damned thing, but I couldn't figure out the implication until he made little walky legs with his fingers and said, "March 4th, you know, March Forth."  Pfft.  No, I didn't know and that began a 27 year history of feeling like a dumbass on March 4th. 

One real peeve that I have is when people foist their religions in your face and act as though they are trying to do you some kind of big favor by saving you from your own path, even if it's a path that makes you happy, fulfilled and contented from a spiritual standpoint.  Often, they will make you their pet project and take their conversion of you over to their path their own mission of mercy.  That is one of the main reasons why I left the Christian Church.  I've never enjoyed elitism and find it to be a dirty, egotistical thing that folks use to feel like they are in the special club.  While I know from the years and years that I spent as a student of Christianity and also from a brushing knowledge of other faiths who employ this concept that it is largely doctrine and dogma driven, I still think the people get a perverse little touch of glee over the knowledge that they're one of the chosen few.  It's my impression, and I don't for a second promote the idea as anything beyond "my impression," that these folks would be terrified to live in a world where they had to just "be" and allow it to be OK that others have spiritual paths that could possibly create the same feelings, the same connection to that which they consider to be divine or possibly even promote a better  or more connected interaction with the other people or creatures of the earth for them.  I'm not pimping my path here, although the lack of constraints, intense accountability for personal actions and acceptance of many paths leading to one spiritual place were elements that attracted me.  I'm just saying that it bothers me when folks feel driven to debase and demean my path when they don't understand it and don't care to know anything about it beyond the myths they've been told.  They're just dismissing it and downright degrading it purely because it's not their path... and that must make it just wrong.

I don't run into this often and for this I am very grateful.  I am by no means in the broom closet.  Most people who read the Nonsoapy know that I'm a Witch and a Wiccan (yeah, two different things, despite the flash that speaks otherwise) and I don't really try to hide it.  Being Pagan is something that is very much a part of my minute-to-minute life and I couldn't be myself here if that wasn't brought up in this journal from time to time.  I wouldn't be able to share nearly as much with you as I do if I kept that buried away like a dirty little secret, which is how others would sometimes like for me to treat it.  It's just ... me and has been for a long time.  I've even had people write to tell me they aren't coming back to the soap part of my site because I'm Pagan!  Go figure!  Like I can't talk about soap operas because I'm a Witch or as if the wretchedness of my spiritual path is going to reach through the monitor and grab them while they read about whether or not Carly and Ric actually "did it."

I hope that anything I write here in that respect is not in any way interpreted as a pitch for Craft as a religion for others.  As I said, I really believe that everyone finds their way and I'm so grateful that in a huge world full of so many different personalities and spiritual needs that there is such a colorful myriad of paths to choose.  I have lived without spirituality of any kind, following my frustrated defection from Christianity, and for me, it was a cold and lonely place.  I think of what Wayne Dyer said in his lecture on "There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, "Would it not be tragic to be on your deathbed and realize you have not created a place to go."  While that may reduce death to little more than a frantic "last call for alcohol" search through the spiritual bar for eye contact with a God, any God, on a Saturday night, I really do think it speaks volumes.  In the eulogy that I read at my mother's funeral, I stated my certainty that my mother "walked with Jesus" and that was very true.  When I was watching the Robin Williams movie, "What Dreams My Come," I was startled that they picked up on some of the elements  that I believe about the afterlife, ones that are seldom if ever picked up on.  Namely, that we go to the place that we create for ourselves.  My mother firmly believed that she would be with Jesus and I definitely believe that she is.  I don't think anyone gets a big "Oh Shit!!" surprise at death except those who didn't bother to embrace spirituality in their life.  And maybe even they don't.  Maybe they just "go away" with their spiritual self dying away along with their biological self.  I am fully expecting to get a "Holy shit!" that things are so much cooler than I expected (that's what *I* am setting up!!).  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that any mention of Craft here is purely in the context of some pertinent part of my life or the tale I'm looking to tell and is not intended to be an attempt to win anyone over.  I'm more than happy to answer questions, but I really believe that we all have our own path to God/Goddess/The Universe.

I'm also very quick to admit that in a world where I am "out there" as a Pagan, wearing Goddess necklaces, pentacle jewelry (NOT Satan - *sigh* - but a holy symbol honoring Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit, the elements considered to be at the core creation of all things.  I'm petitioning for Plastic and Silicon to be added, but the Star of David might get iggidy about it) and buying one hell of a lot of 7-day candles at Albertson's, I don't get a lot of crap from people or feel as though I'm treated much differently from other people, even in our little Mayberry urban corner of the world.  People are cool about the drumming (I keep it down after 9pm), the music, the chanting, the firepit in the back yard, the smell of white sage and patchouli, etc.  No problems at all. 

In some ways, I think this lack of drama happens because I'm not paranoid and don't expect problems.  I'm very confident in who and what I am and I think my acceptance of myself and of others, creates an atmosphere around me that makes discrimination and snotty attitudes feel not very at home.  I don't go throwing my pentacles in little old ladies faces in Walmart and I don't have any more interest in being religiously offensive than I do being offensive in any other realm.  I feel that if we put offensiveness out there, it's bound to find us and come back home again.  The same goes for love, acceptance and appreciation of diversity.

Have you figured out that this is going to be a long post?

Anyway, so the upshot of all of this is that it tends to surprise me a bit when I do encounter some form of bigotry or weird resistance.  I caught just a bit on Friday, but I think I adequately (and I hope gracefully, but firmly) put it in its place.

My daughter has to give a speech for 5th grade as a major part of the grading process.  In 4th grade, they have to do a writing prompt and she did a wonderful piece on David Crockett and got 4 points out of a possible 4, which is equal to an A.  The first I heard about the speech, she told me that she'd decided to do the speech on Tarot Cards, which have always fascinated her.  I've been a reader for about 20 years and have written a book on it.  She's sat in on a few of my classes and has some decks of her own.  We were getting ready to start on the project when she came home from school with a bug up her butt about a speech another girl had done that day (The speeches were spread out over a few weeks so that days at a time were not occupied by speeches.   Since Delena was an "R" name, she was in the last group) about Witches in regard to Halloween.  I wrote a piece a while back  (<----that is a link, scroll down to get to it once you're on the page) on the subject of how the Crone Witch is handled at Halloween and she remembered that and was hurt by the speech.  Of course, people who don't know that things like that that are part of our society are hurtful to others certainly are not out of line for talking about it and Delena held no hard feelings toward the little girl.  Evidently, she talked about Witches being burned and how that doesn't happen any more and there aren't really any Witches.  Delena felt that she and we were being misrepresented and wanted to write a speech that would correct that without being offensive.  I was glad for that because educating gently without being an asshole about it is the goal that I have and I was pleased to see that she was taking the same approach.  I asked her if she'd asked permission to change her topic and she said she had. 

We spent an evening with her basically interviewing me and me telling her about things like the Crusades and where some of the different myths came from and deciding what direction her speech would take.  She was very motivated and excited.  The next day, she took her class journaling time (about 40 minutes) and assembled some of her thoughts in preparation of writing the final speech that night.  She chose the pictures she wanted to use and made her own posters, wanting to show people what real Witches looked like.  Then we sat at the computer together and she wrote the speech, all in her own words.  The only thing I had her change were the absolutes she was using, like "There is a God and Goddess."  I reminded her that we had to keep it to "We believe..." and allow for subjectivity. 

She did a great job, trimming and paring until it was under the 5 minutes limit.  Here is her poster (click the pics for a bigger version):

and here is her speech in full.

I let her take my wand to school for the day to show them what a real magic wand looks like:

She also wore my black cloak.  We got the speech onto 3x5 cards and she practiced it over and over.  She was proud and ready.

Needless to say, I got "the call" from the teacher.   She then set up a speaker phone call with her and the principal on one end and me on the other. 

I can't begin to recap everything because it was a long call, but here's the jist.  (<------that is a link.  click on it to read what happened in the conversation).

I'm grateful to have been exposed to people's prejudices in the past, so I'm pretty well versed in dealing with it, but it's still just unsettling to know how much it's out there.  At least they were open enough to understand that they were displaying some biases, but the whole attitude of "silly Witches, next EVERYONE will want us to modify our speech and be oh so careful not to offend" really bugs me.  Well, YEAH, I do want that!  I'm really tired of hearing how we should just accept that we're going to be maligned because that's just how it is and that's how it HAS been.  I get so frustrated when people act so totally inconvenienced when I ask them not to say, "That WITCH" when they're talking about some woman who has offended them.  Often, they act like I'm being silly or expecting too much of them to make the effort.  Then I wonder, when and if they do change their language, if it's something they do just around me (like not cussing around your mama) or if they take it across the board and seriously employ whether I'm there to hear or not. 

I once heard a "joke" that went, "When does a black man become a n____?"  "As soon as he leaves the room."  I grew up in a time when "n______" was a part of language, although my parents were some of the first people I ever heard to reject it and I'm very proud of them for doing it.  Now, very few people will use the word and it is seen as the deplorable bigotry that it is.  I understand that n_____ is a word that has no positive connotation in our society, but the fact is that Witch does and we, as Witches, are very proud and honored to use it.  If a word with NO positive association can be nearly obliterated (and in fact, throw a high profile murder trial:  OJ) from our language, why can't a word that a good segment of society (and believe me, there are more of us than you could imagine) does view from a positive and life-affirming standpoint be reclassified?  As recently as the 1940's, misinformation about "Jew" made the label something less than desirable to be in the US and forced people to change their names and hide their faith.  Now, it's (by most people, it's my experience), simply viewed as an alternate faith, badgered primarily by ongoing stereotypes, which seem to be the plague of every path. 

Is it really wrong of me to expect that IF people are dead set on rejecting or bashing a spiritual path about which they know nothing beyond the slandering fairy tales and tabloid-equal propaganda that is hatefully strewn around (by those who are ordered by their doctrine to physically kill and drive from their very midst  those who embrace that alternate religion), that they at least learn about the segment of society against whom they are discriminating?  If a person is going to hate me or pity me (good God) or be afraid of me or ridicule me or dismiss me because of who and what I am, can't they at least get their facts straight first?  At least know for sure what they hate rather than the lies they were told?

It has NEVER ceased to amaze me that the people who denounce Witches are convinced that they know so much more about who we are and what we do than we do.  I've been told so many times that I've been duped, that I don't really know or understand what I'm doing, that I'm committing "spiritual suicide" because I'm not of their faith, that they can't be FRIENDS with me because I am "of the Devil," that I worship the Devil, that I prey on vulnerable teens, that  I hate Christians, that I am an unfit parent, that I am EVIL, that I don't know the energies I am working with. . .

If I make any attempt to explain what I do to these kinds of people, I'm accused of trying to lure them in (believe me, the last thing we want is that sort of person in our midst) or of being misled myself (after 17 years of practice).  *sigh*  It's sad that there is still such rigid close-mindedness rampant in America and that people are still judged so harshly for something that lifts them up and helps them to be better people and to feel closer to God.  It doesn't harm anyone (in fact, flies completely in the face of harming others by its prime law:  "As it harms none, do what you will.") and helps a lot of people. 

Anyway, that's the rant part of my column for today.  Long enough, eh?

Moving right along, my gals and I went to see Brett Butler last Saturday night and had such a great time.  My friend, Leslie, was sick and couldn't go, which was a pisser, but my friend, Jennifer, who hadn't expected to be in town, ended up able to go after all.  We went out for Mexican food first (nummy) and I decided to have a strawberry margarita.  I was taking the night off of dieting and decided to go for it.  I ended up getting totally smashed on HALF OF THE DRINK (Atkins folks, watch yerself!) and Georgia hauled me to the comedy club, which was just around the corner.  By the time we were seated, I was back in good shape again, hating that I'd wasted half a margarita. 

I went to the bathroom (and didn't fall or stagger or anything) while I was at the restaurant and while I was peeing, I heard this crazy person come into bathroom and say, "Hellooooooo.  Has anyone seen my little doggg?" in this weird, shrill voice.  I had a chill go up my back that made my pee stream stop in midprogression.  Yikes.  Here I was trapped in a stall with godknowswhat in the other one.  I hurried my business, debated not washing my hands and just scramming before it came out of the stall, but decorum forced me to wash up.  I was skipping the toweling process when the other stall opened (?!) and Georgia came out and said, "Hey, how's it going?"  Yeah, well, so Georgia had her little joke at my expense and now I've told the world before she got a chance (and she promised she would).   OK, it was pretty funny.  : P

Here are some pics from that night.  Jenn, I hope you don't mind.  Georgia gave me carte blanche a while ago.  Click to make them bigger.

Georgia

Jennifer

Me & Georgia... my eye was red because earlier that day
I jabbed it with a piece of a flower arrangement (don't ask)
while setting up the Spring Altars and hers are red because
she got camera redeye and I didn't fix it because I thought it
looked cool

Me & Jenn

Here's something else that I thought was kind of fun.  I went to get my camera for the night and was surprised to find the battery was down and the camera had several pictures in it.  I knew I'd erased it earlier that day.  The pictures themselves tell the story:

The Mystery Pictures (<---click me!!)

The low carb eating is going so extremely well that I can't believe it.  I haven't had a migraine in 2 days.  I'm sleeping like a log.  My back doesn't hurt.  I feel like I've lost weight, but I refuse to get on the scale because I don't want to look at this as a diet or a temporary means to achieve a goal, but as a lifestyle change.  I don't intend to always eat solely low carb, but the elimination of refined carbs from my diet has been almost effortless this time and the cravings are pretty much totally gone.  Tried to eat some pizza (one of my favorites) last night, but the flour in the crust tasted pasty to me, so I peeled off the top and ate just the cheese.  I'm light pink in ketosis and from what I've heard, that will do the trick.  I've had a few carbs here and there (1/2 a baked potato the other night, a  half slice of wheat bread with a sandwich), but have taken my Starch Away before eating them and stayed below the 20 grams a day.  I feel wonderful and that is what is important to me.  I plan to stay with this for a while, introduce more exercise into the equation.  So far, so great!  It's never felt this good before, so I'm going with it!

The house cleaning hit a bit of a snag yesterday when I was wearing sick Nathan like a second skin all day.  As soon as I sign off of here, I'm back on the job again and will carry it into the night to get back on track.  The feeling of accomplishment is much more rewarding than the feeling of rest from not doing it (sadly).  So I'm busy soon!  This took from 9am - 3pm to write, so that was pretty much the day.  It just shows how much I jump up and down from the computer to take care of kiddie stuffs!

So that's my investment for the day!  It was great spending time with you.

Love,