April 18, 2003

When I first saw this webset, I wondered why such an awesome guy was laying in a ditch of water in the snow.  Then, as I investigated further, I saw that they are little stars, falling from the heavens onto his lovely bod and decided that would be OK.  Very... twinkly.  Don't worry.  The annoying star snow won't be around as an ongoing.

I'm here to bitch because PEOPLE ARE NOT ENTERTAINING ME!!!  I have about 6 journals that I check into on a many times a day basis and none of these people are UPDATING!!  I have, however, received some interesting e-mails.

Fortunately, most of the people who e-mail me have taken the message that I don't appreciate Christian propaganda sent to me (the stuff about how God allowed the twin towers to be attacked because we don't have our children praying to the Christian God every day in school particularly pisses me off) after receiving them back butchered and heckled or butchered with a rewrite into Pagan propaganda.  Why people feel the need to pummel others with Christian rhetoric (especially when respectfully asked not to) really is beyond me.   I usually just reply with a gentle reminder that I don't swing that way and I am comfy with my spirituality and don't enjoy being spammed with Christian stuff.  Most of my people are very cool about it, but a poor friend of mine has relatives that just will not quit.

Thank goodness there are rational people out there who forward cool stuff to me.  Of course, I will share some of them with you:

 

Budweiser beer conditions the hair Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 min Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any Shiny Hair-use brewed Lipton Tea   Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water   Minor burn-Colgate or Crest toothpaste Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it! Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too Bee stings - meat tenderizer Chigger bite - Preparation H Puffy eyes - Preparation H Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals) Stinky feet - Jello!! Athletes feet - cornstarch Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it! Peanut butter -- will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on Heavy dandruff -- pour on the vinegar! Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour into an empty! film container and mix  with the food color of your choice! Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak Preserving a newspaper clipping -- large bottle of club soda and 1/2 cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years! A Slinky will hold toast and CD's! To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel. Remove labels off glassware, etc., rub with peanut butter! Baked on food-fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight! Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it! Dirty grout - Listerine Stains on clothes - Colgate Grass stains - Karo Syrup Grease Stains-Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from batteries! Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax-sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness. Did  you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday - Blue Tuesday - Green Thursday - Red Friday - White Saturday - Yellow So if today was Thursday, you would! Want red twist tie -- not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the one with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday!!! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003 Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually, joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!! The following are this year's candidates: ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

Pro or con the war, Sadaam was a bad, bad man!!
 

This is a true story. 

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.  She dropped

her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top

of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!  Get out of the

car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.  They got out

and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into

the back of the car and get into the driver's seat.  She was so shaken

that she could not get her key into the ignition.  She tried and tried,

and then it dawned on her why.  A few minutes later she found her own

car parked four or five spaces farther down.  She loaded her bags into

the car and then drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with

laughter.  He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale

men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as

white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying

a large handgun.

No charges were filed.
 

Hallmark Cards We Should Have
 

The weekend looks great.  Last weekend will be a tough act to follow, but I'm going to give it my best shot.  NOTHING is planned beyond a quiet date with my hubby tonight.  I had a great talk with my brother this morning (the normal one) and it was great to feel family connected. 

Time to go out into the trenches of kidland and enjoy being the mommy instead of hiding with my keyboard.  I hope your weekend is just, well, stellar.

Love,

Good God, She's Verbose!  There's More!