May 8, 2003

I can't believe it!  This is only the second day this week that I've been able to get to this journal!  My life is getting much busier than I like it and my sweet, precious babies are easing into the things I want to do for myself on a recurring basis. 

With my first three children, I was very absent, through job and being distracted by life crap going on.  I loved them very, very dearly and deeply and still do, but I wasn't as in their world as I should be.  I've regretted that very much ever since.  I adore my older boys and wish so much I'd been in a different place with them when they were little.  All I can do is be there for them now and love them with all my heart, which I do.

My past mistakes make me very paranoid about not being there for these little ones, since I was so distracted by shiny objects and drama back then.  I know I'm a good mama now and that I'm very present in their lives and in tune with them, but at times like this, when I'm feeling really internalized for long periods of time, I worry that I'm going to turn away again or at the wrong time.  Lately, I've wanted to hide in my cave with my computer and my cup of tea and not be disturbed, so it's an effort to externalize and "be there" for my little sweeties. 

I did come across some interesting information that I mentioned briefly and will now expound upon.  A few entries back, I mentioned Bladderwrack.  My friend, Mystic, was telling me about it, so I started exploring.  Bladderwrack is a form of sea kelp that is good supplementation for people who have iodine deficiencies.  Iodine isn't particularly prevalent any more since salt is now iodized.  Iodine deficiency can cause a hypoactive thyroid, which can account for a number of different symptoms including:

My mother was treated for underactive thyroid for forty years before she died.  To my knowledge, I've never had my thyroid function tested, but I was 100% on the state symptoms, but had written them off to age and perimenopause, since I also have hot flashes.  I did learn that the hot flashes are nonexistent when I'm on a low or reduced carb diet, so I think they are more related to a blood sugar situation (But could also be perimenopause since I'm 42 and well in "the zone."  Menopausal symptoms usually begin about 10 years before menses stops completely, which usually happens early for women who are "polygravid" like myself, meaning we've had a million kids or in my case, six.  It's like the body extends out the window of opportunity for those who may be reproductively slacking and closes it up on those of us who are overachievers.) more than a hormonal one.  I am still taking the Extroven because it's helping me feel more balanced.

So anyway, the way that you tell (if you're an "in the cracks" person like me who can't afford medical insurance, but don't qualify for the freebies) if you are iodine light is to paint a swatch of liquid iodine on the inside of your upper arm and blow it dry.  Your arm will have a nice red-orange patch on it.  If it's still there in 7 hours (and believe me, iodine has some staying power), you're good to go.  If your body is iodine deprived and sucks all the iodine through your skin so that the patch disappears before 7 hours, then you are iodine deficient.  Mine was gone in 4 hours. 

So I started researching and found that Bladderwrack is fairly expensive on the net, about $15 for 90, plus postage.  I couldn't get out to our natural foods co-op anywhere soon, so I stopped off at GNC on my way to the grocery store and of course, the pharmacist there had never heard of it.  Pfft.  They did, however, have kelp and it was specifically labeled for iodine replacement.  It was also $7 for 480 little tablets, 150mcg of Iodine.  I researched the dosage and found the consensus was that 300 mcg is the recommended supplementation.  So I figure I got 8 months worth, less than a dollar a month.  I started feeling better the same day, whether it was the placebo effect or the real thing.  This is day #3 and I'm still feeling peppier and sleeping better.  I do, however, have really funky dreams.  Last night, for instance, I had about 8-10 dreams in the night and in each one of them, one of my husbands (sometimes Paul, sometimes Eric) was bitching me out about something.  Not a fun way to spend the night, but I woke feeling fairly rested.  I do punk out around 9pm and want to sleep, however.

You do have to be very careful, though, because iodine is NOT water soluble and if you are not iodine deficient, you can suffer some pretty heavy side effects.  The kelp itself doesn't have any known drug interactions.  I'll let you know how it goes, but for now, I have a multivitamin, 2 kelp and an Estrovent every day, so I'm becoming quite a pillmonger.

I'll be the first to admit that there are a lot of things I just don't get.  I'm not dumb, I just sometimes have difficulty extending my appreciation for certain things beyond my need to understand them.  For instance, I don't get rap music.  It all sounds alike to me, same back beat, some intonations and different words.  It doesn't speak to me or for me, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn't get it.  A lot of people don't get country music and while I am not into much recorded in the last decade or so (around 1990, it all started to sound alike to me), I do get it and love it.  Same thing, I guess.  I don't get opera.  Don't get ballet.  Don't get boxing or golf.  Don't get abstract art.  Don't get raves.  There are other things that I don't enjoy for me, but can see how others would feel the appeal.  I don't enjoy war movies, WWF, PTA meetings, religious evangelism, Little League or panhandling, but I can see how the people who do enjoy it get to that place.  I can appreciate what they like about it, but it's just not my gig at all.

That being said, I have to confess that I don't get sports and most particularly, I don't get Sacramento.  This is one area where, despite 6 years of calling it my adored home, I am still very much an outsider.  This town is fricking nuts about the Sacramento Kings (our pro-basketball team).  I've never seen such mass hysteria over a local team and I swear, this whole town would goose-step down the home court at every game if they had the opportunity.  You can't go ANYwhere without seeing purple and white homage to the home team.  There are baby Kings uniforms in every department store.  At least one vehicle in four has SOME kind of support going on, anything from a bumper sticker to a license plate holder to dual Kings flags on either side.  Big framed pictures are sold in grocery stores, depicting the dream team.  Recently, there was a news item about a woman whose OB doc scheduled her c-section during half time.  She gave the child the middle name of "King."  This is not an oddity.  This is a reflection of the mentality of the town.  Delena's entire Girl Scout troup had to hurry back from a field trip so as not to miss the TV broadcast of the Kings' game.  When you go into a grocery store to shop, the game will be on the overhead speakers if it's on. 

That being said, it's important to know that I carefully screened both of my husbands for sportitis and currently, I couldn't even tell you what channel on my cable box is ESPN.  I even chose not to pursue a relationship with a man that I cared for deeply because of his affection for sitting slack-jawed in front of a big screen TV for hours on end watching football.  We all have to have our standards. 

If all goes well, I'll be around tomorrow. 

Say cheese and be happy,
Katrina

A little funny for you:
(if you don't watch
Beevis & Butthead,
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