Ignore the roll over effects on the graphics.  The links work, but the roll over graphics are broken so you'll just get a little rectangle with a red X inside.

The keyboard is still warm from the entry I made last night.  If I do as usual, I'll just keep writing until I find the key that I'm looking for.  It's like the video games the kids play where you have to search all to hell and back for integral pieces so you can build the spaceship or have the magical flute to beat the dragon or whatever.

I'm in the active part of my analysis now.  Before, I was in more of a mode of, "Hmm, it seems I'm depressed and uneasy about something.  Interesting.  Wonder what it is?  Let's just watch it and see what it does."  Just call me the Marlin Perkins of depression documentaries.  Now I've turned into Steve Erwin and we're going to go in and play with it for a while and see if it bites. 

First, let me preface this journey by saying that I do not feel any threat to my marriage or my family from the things I'm feeling, so don't worry that I'm going to do something stupid.  I'm not.  It's just evaluating.  Active evaluating.

When I think about what I'm feeling, the words that spring into my mind are "boredom" and "anticipation."  Mercury is retrograde until May 20th.  Because of the difference in speeds and orbit between Mercury and Earth, there are 4 times a year when , for about three and a half weeks, Mercury appears to be traveling backward on it's orbit.  It goes straight, stops for a second, then goes backward, then moves forward again.  Of course, the planet itself is speeding along like always.  It's just from our earthly perspective that it looks backwards.  Why this affects thing, I have no clue since the actual movement of the planet does not change, but it does, especially for Virgos and Geminis, who are ruled by Mercury.  Since Mercury rules over communications and connections, everything seems to fly in the air.  Cars don't work, appointments are missed, e-mails are overlooked and people experience problems in making their points to one another.  That was definitely evident with my attempts to communicate with Eric this weekend and I've even felt it in conflicts when trying to talk to myself.  Since it is retrograde in the sign of Taurus, which is all about creature comforts, it stands to reason that there would be some discomfort in this particular retrograde.

OK, enough astrobabble.  It's another possible contributing factor to my current state of mind.  Hormones are another because I've been madly horny for weeks now.  That is also, no doubt, from the energy of Beltane that is strong until we get closer to Summer Solstice. 

Overall, I feel like I'm waiting for the next big thing.  I'm looking to the horizon to see what's out there, what's on the way. 

I'll let you know!

Meanwhile, I'll sit on this for a bit and write about other things in the next few days.

Take care!